my toy is broken

My new toy, my DSLR is broken right now and right now I feel like my arm has been cut off. For real. It worked fine on Saturday morning then in the afternoon, nothing. It won't fire, it makes no noise.... its sleeping. In the middle of my girls birthday weekend. Fcuk. I went into panic mode on Saturday night, accused the husband of dropping it - everything is always my hubbys fault, I went onto facebook and quizzed photo expert type friends, anyone that would answer my desperate status update for help, I consulted Dr Google, I accused the husband again but in a nice way - it's ok if you dropped it, just tell me. And I went to bed stressing over my new baby being broken, which is bloody ridiculous seeing as its a few months old thus under warranty, it was not dropped or anything else so it's clearly faulty. And as my husband keeps telling me, a fault is a fault and sometimes they just happen. Sunday I raced to a camera house for help and got the nicest, nerdiest dude ever! God love nerds! He had a quick play and confirmed after a lens swap that yes its a faulty lens and yes it will be under warranty as you can clearly see the camera is in perfect condition ie not dropped - sorry hubby. . . He also showed me how to fix the view finder so I could read the numbers - so that's what that dial is for??? Now begins the battle to get it replaced under warranty and *cry* the time it will take, ie the time without my baby, my right arm. . . . le sigh, I am already hating the point and shoot I am stuck with using but I need to be able to capture my kids especially on days like their birthdays.

Thinking about it, its the 3rd thing to go wrong and you know how they say things go wrong in threes?? I got a parking fine last week, or was it the week before? I hit a gutter while driving home on Saturday afternoon and burst the tyre, leaving me to do the whole damsel in distress thing as I couldn't change the tyre by myself. It could have been worse, I could have had the kids with me. And then my camera died. All things that will cost money, money we don't have right now.... I keep telling myself to be grateful, things could always be worse and really, we have our health blah blah blah! Give me a break please universe, I'm kinda over stressing.

I've been a bit quiet recently I know. I've found adjusting to work quite hectic and I'm still not 100% its for me. Its not the job, the job is fine, I suspect its me and the whole not knowing what I want thing I've got going on. The kids have adjusted fairly well, we're still perfecting getting out the door of a morning but am hoping that will come over time and they're happy with life as it is. They love school and seeing their friends and teachers. They're learning alot. I see women with children at the shops near my work and the pangs of guilt are nothing short of phenomenal. They should be me, I should be with my kids and not at work. I wonder if it ever goes away, or at least eases? Does it? Will I ever know what I want 100%? I'd love to find  something to do from home that paid a little bit towards bills, gave me a sense of satisfaction and contribution and allowed me to be home with my kids. Sadly I don't want to be a tupperware or body shop consultant so my search for that magical role continues... maybe I should be a party planner?? Being a grown up really sux sometimes

xxx