so yeah, I quit

 
On Friday I quit. It's been 2 months, maybe a bit longer I'm not really sure as everyday blends into the one before and to be honest most days I have no idea what actual day it is. I.just.can't.do.it.anymore. I hate the job, hate the pressure I'm under, hate the travel, hate being away from my kids, hate having to do the stressful get everyone up and out of the house by a certain time drill, hate the stressful drive home in bumper to bumper traffic and I hate the job!!! Oh and I can't stand the moody cow I work with who I'm sure is shagging the boss but you know, not my problem anymore.

As soon as I made the decision to quit I felt so much happier within myself. There was light at the end of the tunnel! Now that I've actually done it, given that notice, I feel happy again. Very clearly, this is the right decision for me, for my family. I have to work a few weeks notice but whatever, soon I will be back home doing my stay at home mum thing. I will not be stressing over daycare payments vs my take home pay, I will not be stressing about phone calls to pick up sick kids and having to leave work after being there for an hour. I'm looking forward to not feeling so stressed or pressured. If I can find something that allows me to work a couple of nights a week and maybe one day per weekend, and not pay daycare fees then I think that would work for me but I'm not going desperately searching for it. I need a rest.

Of course, in complete irony, once I did resign I had a great day. Not because I resigned but because I was busy and not bored out my brain. Moody cow was out of the office and the rest of the team actually approached and engaged me, I suspect they're rather scared of her as they keep their distance whenever she is in the office. We're on top of bills so I can see the financial pressure easing, not totally but enough to survive. If I loved the job I would stay and silence the voices in my head that question WHY am I doing this but I don't so, I'm going. End of. As a good friend told me, I would be sacked in an instant if the need arose so I shouldn't feel guilty about my decision to leave. Family first, always. 

I know the whole stay at home mum gig isn't easy, and I know I certainly have my days where I don't cope. I am however looking forward to keeping some me time in my life as I know I need it. I got so lost in motherhood and my kids that I forgot about me. Lets be honest, a happy mumma means happy kids. I need to find some happiness, some me time and my equilibrium will be restored. The weather is improving so I want to get back into walking, and swimming laps. I plan to find a course of some sort to occupy my mind and the kids and I are going to get into story time at the library and baking - I'll get them eating more foods one way or another. Oh and playdates will of course be back, woohoo! I missed playdates, I miss talking crap with other mums and gossing about play school hosts and wiggles skivvys, hahahaha. I'm currently exploring a way to get them into swimming lessons but I dare say that might be a 2x adult (at least) job. I'm never one to shy away from a challenge though.

Overall I'm excited. I feel a little bit of a failure but there was only one way to know if it was going to work. I tried, it didn't work. I'm walking away with my tail between my legs but am more relieved than anything. I'll wait til the kids are a bit older before trying again, and when I do try it will be for the career I want, something to challenge me in many ways and make any sacrifices worth it. Fingers crossed next time will be a success.

Until then, anyone free for a play date?