another day, another monkey-ism

I hauled the troops to the local shops this mornings as I needed to go to the post office and chemist and wanted to go to one shop (note the difference). I also needed tissues for the snot fest that is my children right now. I dressed the kids, packed the car, threw some clothes on (will I ever get time for makeup again?) and loaded everyone into their seats all in about 20 minutes - not quite my personal best time but whatever. Off we went, everyone was singing along to Bananas In Pyjamas and things seemed to be going well. Load the pram, strap the baby on and into the post office we go, which of course has the longest queue in the world. Grab the parcel satchels I need and join the mile long queue, telling Monkey Man and Missy Moo not to touch anything over and over again. Why must they put kids products at kid/pram height right where you need to line up?? It won't work on me, I won't buy their stuff out of spite! Anyway, we finally get to the front of the queue and I've explained to Monkey Man at least 500 times that no he cannot get out, he cannot have a book/stamp/tiger/mcqueen/anything. My son's favourite line is at the moment is 'I want......' which has got to be one of my least favourite requests ever. I go to pay for the satchels and my card is declined. Ok, maybe I entered my pin incorrectly? Try again and nope, declined with a 'contact bank' message. Fcuk! This is not good. I'm so embarrassed but miraculously have a small amount of cash on me, which I never ever do. I pay and slink out of the shop feeling a combination of shame and anger. It's not easy to slink pushing a semi trailer of a pram, trust me. The lady at the check-out gave me the most condescending look of pity, other shoppers looked at me with disgust and were clearly not impressed I took so long or that I appear to have no money, or both.

I've been having issues with the security chip on my bank card, I assume due to one or all three of my kids chewing on it, so ordered a new one a few days ago. I was assured my existing card would be fully functional until the new one arrived. They lied!! I called me bank, and politely asked for my card status to be checked. As suspected, it was cancelled. FCUK!!! I'm now stuck at the shops with 3 kids, things to do and no money. My new card is on its way so its useless to me right now, and I'm in the only shopping centre in Sydney that has no access to my bank. I'm politely told I can go to any branch, present photo ID and get cash out that way. Ok, ok... don't panic. Just push 40kg of babies to the bank down the road and all will be well. Head for the nearest exit and, its pouring. farrrrrrrrk!!! I'm about to explode at this point. I ring my husband and yell at him about incompetent retards that seem to just like to mess people about. Feel better and decide to feed the kids and think of plan B. I order them a milkshake and some mini donuts and decide to put the hoods up over the kids in the pram, the sleep hood over Little Miss who's struggling to stay awake on my chest at this point and walk very fast in the rain. I need cash, the petrol light was on in the car on my way here so I have to fill up and out of spite I refuse to go home without the things I came here for. It's the principle of the matter! So the kids are distracted by sugary goodness, Little Miss is dosing and the rain has stopped so this is my chance, go! All the way there I'm puffing and muttering to myself about stupid banks ruining my plans. I'm served quickly and am given the cash I need by a lovely teller who starts clucking over my children. Before I know it she's out from behind the security screen and practically frothing at the mouth over my kids, how cute they are, how old are they, what are their names etc etc. This is lovely but not necessary, and its certainly not necessary to have all the staff joining in. One of the girls asked Monkey Man a question, his name I think and at that moment it all went quiet in the bank. Monkey Man responded clear as day with; THIS IS A STUPID BANK! Everyone goes silent, then laughs and with red cheeks and lots of apologies I had to slink out of a shop for the second time that day. We'd been out for an hour and a half max.

We headed back to the shopping centre, the kids were well and truly on a sugar high by this stage and Little Miss was sound asleep on my chest. Monkey Man was carrying on about getting out of the pram, wanting this and that, yelling at me every 3 seconds and Missy Moo was getting sleepy so I knew I didn't have long to get things done and get out. Within minutes of being back in the shops Missy Moo went to sleep in the pram, which is a total pain in the arse as she now won't sleep when we get home. It's 11am. Monkey Man is practically bouncing out of the pram and demanding everything. I scramble around a couple of shops and grab a few things. Then realise the one shop I wanted to go to isn't here at all, I've confused it with another shop. Holy mother of god! I want to slap myself, hard! I head to the car, unload everyone and head home. Missy Moo is now wide awake and clearly believes she's had her sleep of the day, which means I've got buckleys of getting her to sleep once we get home. Monkey Man is screaming in the backseat about wanting a green car for his birthday party, needing a bread roll and how he's not tired, not at all. The sugar high is officially over. We get home, I'm exhausted and frustrated as I achieved nothing. I forgot the tissues, the ingredients for tonights dinner and didnt get to the chemist. The kids are seriously out of routine and most likely won't sleep today. What a waste of a morning.