crossroads - which way will I go?

After many weeks of thoughts, of what-ifs, of what now, blah blah blah, I'm officially stuck at a crossroad in my life. One direction is how much I adore my 3 monkeys and treasure our time together, being here to see them grow and change. The other direction is how much my brain hurts playing games, watching sesame st, changing endless nappies and breaking up domestics between head strong toddlers all day long. And the deep seeded fear that in 12 months time I will have 3 of these little people ruling my life. I'm one of those women that wants it all and to be blunt I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Bring it on I say. In order to have it all though, you need support. I have a husband who earns enough money for us to be comfortable and is happy to support me in whatever I want to do. He's just as happy for me to work as he is for me to be home, its my call 100%. I'm lucky to have him and his support, but now I need to figure out what I want to do with it. I've considered going back to 'school' and doing a course to better myself. I've considered fulltime work vs part time work. I've considered volunteering for somewhere worthwhile. I've thought about retail vs office work. I've thought about a complete career change, and staying home til my kids are all at school. I've pondered my talents (none) to see if I could do something from home and make money for it - although I reckon I could run a good phone sex business. I mean what other job can you sit around wearing trackies and ugg boots? Although the sound of screaming, fighting, toddlers and thomas the tank engine playing in the background would definitely harm my profit margin. So far nothing, not one option jumps out as THE ONE, my calling as such, no voice telling me this is what YOU WILL DO. So here I sit, updating my CV, looking through job websites hoping a job ad will call out to me. Wondering if there is any point applying for a role if I'm not 100% yet as to whether I want to work let alone in that job, wondering if I should apply for roles when techically I don't have childcare options at present. Wondering am I even ready to leave my babies in someone elses care? ARGH!! Why is it so hard to be the person I want to be? Where is my skinny figure, perfect children, perfect HOT husband, perfect high paying flexible job and beautiful friends to keep me going??? Does anyone have it all? If so, please explain how I get to where you are.