Thursday, 23 June 2011

one week of paid work left

My official last day of paid work is next Thursday and my excitement is uber! I cannot wait to get back to being a SAHM and being with my kiddies. Since I became a Mum I've been home with my kids and I loved it, bad days and all...That was until about 5 months ago when I returned to fulltime work and gained a new found respect for the working mother. Unfortunately  for us, this was a choice we had to make in order for us to buy a bigger house - I had to have a fulltime income in order for us to qualify for a bigger mortgage, despite the fact that most of my income is eaten by childcare fees!! Go figure! Living in a small 3 bedroom house with 3 kids under 3 and no storage of any kind, not even a garage, wasn't going to be a livable option so the decision was made and off I went. Its been tough, and I haven't really enjoyed it. My welcome back to work was not great, I was expected to just pick up where I left off nearly two years ago. I find it ironic that if you have a long period away from work due to illness or injury when you return to work, HR is involved and its all very official, everything is documented and your needs are catered for, you're supported. If you go on maternity leave you're expected to just slot back in despite being away from the environment for a substantial time, technology changes, processes change and you're just supposed to know/remember everything. Obviously this is a individual experience, but mine was shitty. I had no choice but to find my brain and was given projects to work on, and eventually I found the Me I was before becoming a Mum. My company had moved to a new version of Office so that was a fun time, clicking every button til I worked out how to do what the hell I needed to do! Things I used to do without thinking about became problems and I had to ask for help. A strange concept for me! And I had many mornings on the bus where my ipod would shuffle to a Wiggles song and I'd have a teary smile as I hit skip... I'm sure fellow commuters were thinking I was rather strange... I battled daily guilt and feelings of dread as thoughts of my kids growing up without me filled my head, I pictured my youngest crawling and me not being there to see it. A thought that still fills me with absolute panic. Lucky for me, she crawled for the first time at home and while a part of me was wishing she would hurry up and get moving like her brother did, a bigger part of me is glad she's only getting there now... its like she knew I wanted and needed to be there?? She is a mummys' girl after all.

But the time has come for me to hang up my laptop bag and bus pass and return to nappy bags, crafts, play school, mothers group and ABC2. Sidenote: show me a mother that doesn't love ABC2?!?! I achieved what I set out to, we bought a lovely big house and it feels like we've lived here forever. I've qualified for another year of maternity leave and as a bonus I was made redundant. I was most likely going to have to resign after my maternity leave so this way they're paying me to go, something I didn't dare get my hopes up for but am secretly thrilled about.

I'm excited, I'm about to become a mother of 3, I'm nervous, scared but most of all excited to meet our newest addition. I'm looking forward to being here for my kids, to watch them hit milestones and grow up together. I'm dreading the bad days, am not nervous about the newborn stage and just have to remind myself constantly (DAILY, hahaha) that 'this too shall pass'. I'm under no illusions the challenge I'm about to embark on is going to be easy but bring it on I say, at least my heart is in it....

Monday, 20 June 2011

the word of the day/week/month is BUZZ

BUZZ is the word!!

My almost 2yo, Monkey, has discovered DVDs ... I avoided showing them to him until last weekend as I thought his attention span was not quite there yet. And I thought he watched enough TV already.
We had a weekend of non stop rain and in desperation, after playing blocks and cars and trucks and thomas and dancing to the wiggles over and over again I opened a box of DVDs. We moved 3 mths ago and I'm waiting for impending maternity leave to unpack the dozen or so remaining boxes - nothing important in them so figured they could wait while I balanced the whole working mother gig for a few more months. Anyway! We put Toy Story on and there he sat, completely transfixed by the colours and images and sounds for an entire 45 minutes! Husband and I were shocked and spent more time watching him and the DVD timer rather than the actual movie, constantly saying to each other 'I can't believe he's still sitting there'.... he was so mesmerised I gave him afternoon in front of the TV which I never do and he didn't spill a crumb, just quietly ate and watched.... and watched. My heart was melted all over the floor at this point, not sure who or what I was more in love with? The gorgeous little man before me, quiet and still for the longest time ever or the DVD that controlled and quietened said little man, who's normally referred to by us as a tornado?
Fast forward to the following weekend and by 2pm on the Saturday we have watched BUZZ three times already! And he sits still for the entire movie?? I should be grateful as I think I could pop to the shops whilst Buzz is on and he wouldn't notice, and I'd return home with a hair cut and hot chocolate in hand and he'd be in the same place I left him... His favourite word is BUZZ, he wants Buzz on ALL the freaking time and as soon as it finishes he's demanding More Buzz!! Friggin Buzz!!
No one told me toddlers were so fickle, one minute he loves Thomas, the next Bob, the next Elmo, the next Cars, the next... well you get the idea! So the word in our house at the moment is Buzz.... No doubt I will know all the words to every Toy Story movie before the month is over, much like I find myself singing the Thomas theme song in my sleep or Bob the Builder's catchy theme song as I cook dinner!?!? Someone please tell me that a. the fickle side of kids ends somewhere and b. I will get my brain back for my own use at some point in the future.
Until then, well I guess its 'to infinite and beyond' for monkey and poor missymoo who's unwillingly being dragged along for the ride


ramblings online?

a good friend of mine has been hasselling me to put my ramblings down on paper (well online!) for ages and I've always said I don't have the time... yet I am online alot as I shop online, I am a FB addict and I find it relaxing after a full day of mummy-hood. I guess being online is my down time and a way for me to catch up with friends I often miss due to life in general, conflicting schedules, opposite timezones etc etc. So rather than say I don't have time, I figured I should try and see how I go. I have no idea if I will be able to keep this up, if it will make for entertaining reading or the real purpose of this blog but I'm hoping it will eventuate over time....
So, my story. I'm 32 in July, married to an englishman and about to finish work (office admin/sales type roles) for the forseeable future. Almost 2 years ago I became a Mum, and after a bumpy road to have my son and many thoughts of 'maybe I won't ever be a mum?', it appears I'm actually pretty fertile hahaha. I feel like I have been pregnant forever, and now have an almost 2yo boy (monkey), an almost 1yo girl (missymoo) and a 3rd (and final!) surprise in the oven... #3 is due in about 7 weeks but whos counting.
So many people have commented how crazy we are to have so many kids so close together and I guess if I sit down and think about the logistics and realities of 3 under 3, well I'd not only agree but I'd curl up in the foetal position in the corner and cry. Hello? 3 kids and only 2 hands?? eek!!
But on the flipside, I am so excited to meet our new addition. I can't wait to find out the gender which we have so far kept a mystery and I'm twice as excited to stop debating names!! And there are alot more people out there with more than 3 kids and they cope. I mean look at the Duggars!
Life with 3 under 3 will certainly be interesting, entertaining, busy, crazy and possibly downright carnage but hopefully there will be a few people read my ramblings and point me back to the road whenever I get lost... so here goes!!