Wednesday, 30 May 2012

Working Girl

Over the last little while I've been talking (alot) about me and what I need. Do I need to work, do I need to study, do I need to volunteer, what do I need to escape my brain and feel useful. I adore my children and think I'm alright at the whole stay at home mum thing but I need more. But I'm completely selfish and I need more. I just need more. I don't really know what I need. You can read more about my issues (said through tightly pursed lips ala Kath n Kim) here and here and here. Told you I talked about this alot.

So, when I last talked about this whole saga I'd been offered a position and salary negotiations had commenced. I was a bit nervous asking for more cash but decided to adopt a 'don't ask, don't get' approach. I think I even said that to the HR rep, oops! I've since accepted the job despite the fact they wouldn't/couldn't give me any more cash. I've managed to secure 3 spots at daycare, on the same days - unbelieeevable (I hear Charlie Bear when I say that, do you?) and I've bought myself a few clothes for work as all of my work stuff is now too big. I bought a skirt in size small and tops and a dress in 3 sizes smaller than what I was wearing in Feb this year. Again, unbelieeeeevable!! Note, I'm still in plus sizes but meh, not for much longer woohoo! Thats another blog post altogether though.

Two weeks from today I will officially be a working girl again. I will be a working mum. I've been here before although I had two kids at that stage, not three and I managed full time work along with pregnancy. This time around we have three kids and I'll only be working part time so the rules have changed slightly. My feelings are the same though, I'm nervous, scared, excited and totally overwhelmed with thinking about daycare drop off, what happens when they ring me with a sick child, the fact that childcare fees will most likely leave our bank account before any paychecks go into it, the commute to work, what I'm going to wear, will I manage in heels all day after near on 3 years in flats, can I fit in a blow dry before I start - do I need a blow dry, do I need a new bag, will I be able to manage and complete a full day of brain use, will I cope without ABC2,  how much am I going to miss my kids, how much damage am I causing them by selfishly needing more, daycare pick-up, dinner, bath, bed. . . . annnnnnd doing it all again the next day.

Holy mother of gawd, what have I gotten myself into?

Tuesday, 29 May 2012

domestic goddess fail

I had a massive MASSIVE craving for hot chips with chicken salt and gravy today. My kids go to bed at lunchtime and before then? Well frankly I couldn't be assed to drag them out just to fulfill a craving. I figured I'd do a make your own version with some freezer chips and that would have to do. And of course we had none. What the?? What kind of housewife doesn't have chips in the freezer??
domestic goddess fail

I sent Monkey Man out into the backyard this morning in taupe coloured trackpants (Nanny bought them) and its been raining. What was I thinking? I'm not sure there is enough stain remover in the world to recover those babies.
domestic goddess fail

My house looks like its not been cleaned in months and I go back to work in a couple of weeks. If I can't clean the house while home with the kids, how do I think I'm going to get it done being gone 3 days a week? I suppose on the upside we won't be here 3 days a week so less mess will be made, right?
domestic goddess fail

I finally got a much needed, long overdue, pedi on Saturday and managed to not only chip the paint but crack the nail as well a few short hours later. And not notice, and then rip a pair of $25 tights this morning when I tried on a few bits for work.
domestic goddess fail

I have a carton of buttermilk in the fridge that needs to be used so I put the word out to my Mum friends for a yummy recipe. Within seconds I was flooded with ideas and decided to make pancakes. I thought I'd be all super mum like and put raspberries in them as well - you know, hide a fruit, be all proper mum like. Well Little Miss decided to refuse her sleep, screaming her head off from the cot while Monkey Man and Missy Moo ran around the house like lunatics, also screaming their heads off, screeching, shouting, you name it. It took 4 times as long as it should have, alot burnt, I had to turn the stove off and on numerous times and break up fights or head upstairs and try and soothe the about cooking under pressure. I am so not cut out for any of those masterchef type shows and no need to look out for a cooking section of my blog. Putting it bluntly, they look like crap - taste alright though!
domestic goddess fail

no filter, no attempt to pretty them up - this is how they look!

And while I've been writing this all down, my toddlers have attacked a kids pop up tent like a pair of naughty puppies, literally ripping it to shreds. That will teach me for a. trying to blog while they're awake and b. not getting suspicious when it all went quiet outside.

Yes, today has been one epic domestic goddess fail. The kinda day where you question your ability to do anything right and wonder why you bothered. Thankfully for everyone, baked goods included, tomorrow is a new day.

Has anyone else had a failure of a day??

Monday, 28 May 2012

How real is online friendship?

I have 250+ friends on facebook right now, and alot of those are people I've met online - some I've never met in real life. My husband calls them my 'pretend friends'. Some of those online friends are people I'm very close to. We have in depth conversations about anything and everything, we've shared pregnancies, births, deaths and everything in between. Recently I've joined the blogger community and discovered a new chapter of online friends. I speak to them more often and am closer to many of these friends than I am to people in my every day life. Many of these online friends keep me sane on a daily basis when life at home with 3 under 3 can really get on top of me. It goes without saying that I have alot invested in my online friendships.

When someone de-friends you it hurts - if you notice that is? The click of that delete button can hurt deeply. Having a message ignored leaves you wondering why, what did you do wrong, when really the person could be busy or perhaps *gasp* not even online. Be it an email or private message, the written word can be and is interpreted in so many ways and can cause alot of trouble. When someone has a differing opinion to yours whats the best way to deal with it? Surely adults can have varied opinions on the same subject and still be friends, still get along? When shit goes down online, everyone has an opinion and has to offer their 2c worth and mostly their opinion is based on limited information:

Big dramas went down today in one of my online mothers groups. Words were spoken, accusations made and I'm now a friend down on facebook. I was a little peeved at the situation and outcome, felt fairly hard done by. Truth be told I'm pissed I was deleted without an explanation or right of reply. But then I stopped and looked at the bigger picture. Yes we shared a pregnancy and birth journey,  and we almost made it to the special first birthdays of our babies but we've never met and are never likely to meet. Will I think of this person in a couple of months time? a years time? Will I miss out by not having this person in my life? Ummm no. I do think its sad the way its all ended especially as it was oh so unnecessary and very childish, and others were involved so it all got very high school drama-ish but meh I'll move on.

A while back I had a pretty full on domestic with a family member and quickly found myself de-friended in facebook - um we're family? That won't change whether we're facebook friends or not, you wally!! While we were fighting and thus not FB friends they couldn't see pictures of my kids or what was happening in their lives and this hurt alot. Didn't they want to stay involved with the kids? And its all sorted now, so no need for an intervention hahaha...

So if a friendship is ended by clicking a button, was it real to begin with? These relationships take alot of our time and effort and yet they're potentially over so quickly. Are they worth the effort? For some people, the ones clicking the delete button, possibly not. It's your loss, trust me - I'm a good friend to have! For me, I've met some beautiful people through the online world and made some forever friendships so for me, yes indeedy they are worth the effort. I will continue to put as much effort as I always have into my online friendships and know that like real life friendships its a two way street, it takes compromise and sometimes, just sometimes a person is being sarcastic or genuine - how you interpret it is upto you. What you get out of your online, or real friendships for that matter, is upto you and how much you put into it. Maybe grow up and think twice before you hit the delete button or reply with a nasty message.

Thursday, 24 May 2012

come on down to feral town

It's a rainy, shitty miserable day here today which means feral children. Not for you? Lucky you. Weather like today means my kids go absolutely stir crazy and destroy the house. This is how my day has gone so far

We attempted to get out of the house for 10am to attend a 'biggest morning tea' at daycare. Seconds before we walk out the door, Little Miss manages to fill her nappy, her pants and her socks.

Nappy explosion dealt with we load the car and head out. Have to park across the road as the carpark is full and then scream repeatedly at both Monkey Man and Missy Moo to stop as its a road not an indoor play centre.

Morning tea starts, all the kids are playing outside and only the mums and nannas are inside. Except my kids. My toddlers are standing at the food, in pole position, stuffing their faces like starving african children at an all you can eat buffet. After many apologies and explanations that yes they have eaten this year. I attempt to pull them away multiple times but its useless, they're in food trances. Wish I'd worn make-up to help disguise the redness in my face and am grateful they dont look like me. Although this is useless as everyone knows me (that poor/crazy lady with 3 under 3). I also forgot my wallet thanks to the poonami as we left the house so I'll now be known as the tightarse crazy lady with a million kids.

Attempt to leave the morning tea and its raining. Attempt to get two toddlers across the road quickly but it takes ten times as long as we have to stop to touch everything sparkly/shiny/dirty/remotely interesting looking. 3x fairly soaking children by the time we get to the car.

Get all 3 down for a sleep at once, am feeling very very gloaty and smug for all of a second, I mean just call me super mum. Missy Moo then wakes just after an hour, screaming as she's still tired and bursting my bubble. She wakes everyone up. Cue three screaming children and me wondering how quickly I can swig a bottle of wine?

Domestic #55 for the hour starts because his cup is greener than hers. He then throws said cup at her head and the screaming is deafening. I can't remember what the kids were doing at this stage.

Little Miss wants to crawl so desperately but cannot work it out so her whinging and frustrated grunting is rather vocal this afternoon. Not to mention she is cutting another tooth and is at the end of a nasty gastro bug.

2 out of 3 kids are playing nicely with something - who and what I can't remember but its irrelevant - and #3 decides its not interesting enough so starts snatching, throwing, hiding toys of the minute. Smack here + hair pulled there + toys thrown here = 3x screaming kids in seconds. This happens at least 15 times in about 30 minutes.

World War III breaks out over tiny teddies, apparantly his teddies have more broken limbs than hers and thats 'not fair mummy' so he takes her teddies, she cries, throws her bowl of remaining teddies and everyone is screaming. And I'm vaccuuming the floor for the 4th time today.

Some fcukwit keeps ringing here with a thick accent and despite me telling him ten times he has the wrong number, he keeps ringing. Next time he rings I'm handing the phone to chatterbox Monkey Man and he can deal with him.

Toys are all over the shop, empty toy boxes are being used as helmets in what can only be described as toddler demolition derby and although I have said stop it, someone is going to get hurt over and over again, they've both just crashed while looking out from under their boxes and the screaming is once again high pitched.

Missy Moo is screaming 'my phone' over and over again, loud and proud because Monkey Man has taken her phone. He has the EXACT same one but for some reason has to have hers. And yes she could play with his replica but no, she wants 'myyyyyy phhhoooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnne'

I think I might go down a bottle of wine and stick my head in the oven. Maybe if I did, my version of motherhood could be more like this??

Whoever said this stay at home gig was all coffees and daytime tv and lunches with friends, and play dates with other magical children was a fcuking liar and I want to punch their face in.

Wednesday, 23 May 2012

Guest post on the gorgeous Hummingbird's Song

I was lucky enough to be featured on Rhi's beautiful blog Hummingbird's Song today *insert heart symbol here!* Check out my guest post Threenage Love.

Rhi and I have known each other a few years and she inspires me daily, especially with her fluro tights and brightly coloured hair. You go girl! Rhi has got to be one of the most creative and genuine people I know and this is shown on her beautiful blog. She supports me as I muddle my way through this new world, and is happy to lend a hand whenever I ask. Nothing but love for you gorgeous girl, xx

Rhi's Little Lion is the same age as my Monkey Man, (funnily enough seeing as we're in an online mums group together), so it seemed fitting to post about him. I'm slightly gushy and lovey about my Monkey Man, what can I say... I just love him! And I was in a good mood when I wrote it.

Now I've done a guest post, does this make me an official blogger? haha, seeing I'm still very much wearing those L plates, I don't think so but its fun learning as I go. Come check me out

Tuesday, 22 May 2012

let the negotiations begin

I went to a second interview today, the boss and I clicked and at the end of the day I was offered the job. A salary offer was made. Now begins the negotiations. For someone who is all about standing up for herself and her beliefs, I find it difficult to sell myself, and even more difficult to speak up and get what I'm worth. This should be fun . . .
Why do I find it so hard?? I could coach you for hours on self esteem, standing up for what you believe in, I could even coach you on how to conduct yourself in an interview, what to say and what not to say.... can I practice what I preach? no.

The job is perfect, the conditions on offer are pretty damn awesome and the location whilst not superb is not horrible. I'd be right near Ikea which will appeal to those of my friends who be loving the swedish. Me, I find that place completely overwhelming... and confusing, and I get lost in there and forget why I went in there.

In other job news I'm a part of the final two in contention for another role. Conversations continue on that one.

Oh and I still didn't hear back from that other job, the one I interviewed for a month ago, was told I was over qualified for and then it was readvertised last week. Thats the job I want. I really want to know what happened there and why its been readvertised. That there, thats the job for me. You watch, I will accept this one and the one I really really want (can you hear a spice girls song right now??) will come knocking a day later. Isn't that always the way?? Murphy's Law??
It's late, my head is swimming with numbers and daycare issues and worrying about sick days (kids not me). I'm already feeling the guilt of becoming a working Mum, totally overwhelmed at the thought of managing 3 under 3 AND a job but I'm prepared to give it a go. I'm aware there will be an adjustment period and that we will all have to find a way to get on with the new norm... and I'm excited for the challenge. Whichever job I end up accepting or being offered, that is.

Anyway! So yay to a job offer and now it all comes down to:

Any tips gratefully received??


Little Miss Emergency

Since Saturday night my Little Miss has been sick. The dreaded gastro has gotten hold of her and she's miserable. Saturday and Sunday nights were pretty much sleepless, the crying is endless and the poor little thing can't keep anything in. It's her first real illness aside from the odd sniffle and coincidently she's unwell after attending daycare twice. Read from that what you will...

After a horrendous night my hubby stayed home yesterday to help me out with the kids and thankfully so as the whinging was out of control. Nothing consoled her, not cuddles or being left alone, she puked after every bottle or meal and I couldnt get any panadol into her for more than 2.3 seconds before that was hurled across the room too. I've washed countless sheets, blankets, sleeping bags, clothes, towels etc etc. I've changed her clothes at least 5 times a day and also changed my own more than once due to a puke in my bra or down my front. Once it was clear nothing we were doing was helping I decided to head to the GP, just to make sure there was nothing more sinister going on.

Our GP took a brief look at her and then told me she was dehydrated and needed to go to hospital. Really? I didn't think it was that bad yet, I really didn't. I was overwhelmed with mummy guilt that I should have done something sooner? and so off to hospital we went.

We queued at the triage desk for probably 45 minutes before we were checked in. Once I showed my medicare card to 3 different people (why??) we were given some hydralyte, a syringe, instructions to administer it to her every 5 minutes and told to take a seat. I was also told 'it shouldn't be long'.

Little Miss was calm while we sat for the first 45 minutes and while were being checked in so no doubt she was categorised lower priority due to her happy and placid behaviour. Don't you hate that? She screamed blue murder most of the bloody day but a ten min power snooze in the car had her all chilled out. Once we went into the waiting room with 55 million other people she decided she'd had enough. She cried and screamed and cried some more. I had a random lady ask me if I needed her to hold the baby so I could go to the loo? Thankyou but no I'm fine. I was looking for the parents room at the time as we had a funky nappy on board that needed attention stat. Perhaps I should have handed her the stinky crying baby?

After a solid hour long screaming session, she gave in and fell asleep in my arms. I was of course in the most awkward position and facing away from the TV, and I was then stuck like that:

She slept off and on for a while, woken constantly by screaming kids and crying babies. I can't believe how many people go to the childrens hospital and the patience of the staff...

So we waited....

After a few sleep spurts Little Miss started to empty my handbag... this was not able to hold her attention for long though as she was so tired.

and she was soon asleep, sitting upright in a chair:

I picked her up, wrapped her in a blanket and there we sat, and waited

and waited

and waited

5 long hours after we arrived we were called to the triage nurse for a check up. I was so cranky at this point, I could see no end in sight and my little girl was so unbelievably tired. When the nurse indicated it would still be another hour to see a Dr I cracked it. I told the nurse I wanted to take her home, Little Miss that is, not the nurse. We both agreed she was not needing IV fluids, she was taking in the rehydration stuff - lapping it up actually, and when awake she was quite perky and happy. Yes she was lethargic but it was 11pm! So I signed a form, popped her sleeping bag on and out into the night we went to find the car and head home. She slept all the way home, and had a much better nights sleep with only a couple of wake-ups for a drink.

I could go into how pissed I am that my GP made me go there in the first place rather than trying different avenues of treatment, how overstretched our hospital systems are, how understaffed, how abused the staff are by worried and exhausted parents and how patient they all seem to be despite the pressure on them. I could go into how stupid some people are to take their baby or child to an emergency department for a trivial thing that could be handled by a GP. I could go into how uncomfortable those chairs in waiting rooms are, how for a childrens hospital it wouldn't hurt them to get some stuff to entertain sick kids. I could go on about how people are filthy and selfishly trash said waiting rooms and toilet facilities provided to them, or how inconsiderate and rude people are. I could go into the fact that alot of kids in the waiting room with colds and snot pouring everywhere are wearing no shoes or thongs and shorts when its 12 degrees outside and what the fcuk is up with people taking 25 members of the family to the emergency waiting room? It's crowded enough already and surely the entire extended family does not need to be there? I could go into my thoughts on all of this buuuuuuut then this blog would go on for hours so I'll save you the eye rolling and soap box spiel for another time.

My Little Miss is ok and really, along with her siblings, she's all that matters to me. Until next time.

Monday, 21 May 2012

these are a few of my favourite things

If I had to list my favourite things right now, right here... these would be them - in no particular order

Violet Crumble chocolate bar, mmmm nom nom nom! I was devastated when Nestle stopped making the bite size violet crumbles in family bags and the snack size bar isn't the same. This stuff is g.o.o.d!!

Hoodies for feet - snuggly, cosy and warm slippers although I still can't and will never ever wear slippers outside of my house. These are awesome

Home made chocolate freckles, these are the bomb! Make em as thick or thin as you like. Totally scrumptious

Musk Sticks, the only 'candy' type sweet I cannot say no to, and will eat an entire packet in a sitting if I let myself. Yummmo and brings childhood memories with their pink sugary goodness.

Bloom by Kelle Hampton, emotional, beautiful and raw... I can't put this down

My Missy Moo - almost 2, totally gorgeous and a laugh and smile that lights up a room.

Monkey Man - almost 3, cheeky, funny, talkative and tells me he loves me.

Little Miss - almost 1, mummys girl, cuddly, in awe of her brother and sister

Tell me your favourite things, right here, right now

Sunday, 20 May 2012

I've got a friend . . .

I've got a friend who bombards my facebook feed with 100's of photos of her kids. Yes they're cute but her obsession with sharing every single thing they eat, play with, every grubby face, every cheesy smile, is quite frankly out of control. She posts photos every day. Nearly every status update is about the kids, the good, the bad and the ugly. She is quite clearly obsessed with her kids and has lost who she is or was pre motherhood. She is driving people crazy.

Oh wait, she is me.

I'm sure, actually I know I am driving my family, friends and even 'pretend friends' as my husband calls them, mental with status updates, photos and hell, my blogs about my kids. I'm sorry. I am out of control.

The first step to addressing a problem is to admit you have a problem right? Well, I do. I really do have a problem. My kids are cute, my kids are my whole life and I am obsessed.

More importantly, I won't apologise for it.

I'm sure this obsession comes from the fact there aren't many photos of me as a child. There are even less of my brother who was 3 years younger than me. By the time he was born my Mum was in the throws of becoming a single mum and she did the best she could with the resources she had. I don't blame her, in fact I feel she did a great job - we're both relatively normal and well adjusted. I think I just want to make sure I can show my kids their childhood on film, so to speak. I don't want to miss or forget a thing.

I worry with three kids so young and so close in age that as each day gets the better of me, I will forget stuff. I already have to refer to my baby books and FB updates to remember how old each child was when they cut their first tooth or took their first step, their first word etc. I already mix up who said mum first and who said dad first and my youngest hasn't said either yet? It's busy, its hectic and whilst I wouldn't change a thing, I would happily accept time slowing down just a touch. It's all going so fast, and I know they will be grown up and leaving home before I know it.

Yes, I probably drive you all nuts with the dribble I go on with. I overshare on facebook and yes I possibly overshare on my blog although really, it could be worse. I could be like my friends who share about their:
  • sex life
  • love for their partner in soppy, vomit worthy, mushy ways
  • arguments
  • attention seeking tendencies
  • hatred for their boss (and forgets their boss is their FB friend?)
  • inability to spell correctly
you know who you are!!

At the end of the day, its my facebook page, my blog and if I wanna go on about my kids I will. I do filter what I say. I think about work related status updates before I make them, and edit accordingly. I also think twice about having work people as online friends, no matter how many times facebook suggests I become friends with my old boss. I remind myself that my in-laws read my blog so perhaps I shouldn't slate my husband today despite the fact he pissed me off alot. I don't slag anyone off after an argument for fear of a) airing my dirty laundry in public and b) what happens when the argument is over? Once a statement or thought is out there its rather difficult to take it back.

If you don't like what someone puts on their facebook page or similar, then don't follow it, or work out how to use the technology so they're not in your newsfeed.

And if you're like me, feel free to keep sharing as I will. I'm thinking about setting up a FB addict group. We can all 'check in' when we get there, 'share' our addiction and 'post' photos of our sexy selves, and everyone can 'like' it. or not.


payback is a bitch

The hubby and I went out last night, by ourselves ie with no kids. We went into the city too (about half an hour from here) so it was a proper grown up night out, with no kids. We organised Nanny to sit with the monkeys and went while they were in the bath - normally we put them down ourselves and then go out. My Mum is perfectly capable of putting them to bed and insisted she'd be fine so we booked the table at a decent hour and headed off, with no kids. We caught up with friends who are travelling around Oz and being from the UK, everything here seems so different and dare I say it, better. Yes I'm biased but I'm an aussie girl through and through.

We discussed who would drive and who would drink, we considered going on public transport and both having a few drinks. Nanny was staying overnight so there was no reason to rush home. Since having kids neither of us has really gotten on the sauce, so to speak. Call us old fuddy duddies but the thought of a hangover with 3 under 3 is simply terrifying and totally enough to make you stop after a couple of glasses. I've either been pregnant or breastfeeding for the better part of the last 4 years so thats my excuse, and now I'm so out of practice that a glass of wine with dinner is enough to have me feeling slightly warm and fuzzy. I'm officially a cheap drunk whereas a few years back I could have drunk most blokes under the table - and I did, often.

So off to dinner we went, I drove. Dinner was at a beautiful restaurant on the harbour, right on the water which was scenic but freezing. The number of teenagers walking around wearing what can only be described as belts, clearly freezing, made me feel very old. I was in jeans and a top and jacket and was freezing. How those girls felt in itsy bitsy lycra dresses with their legs, shoulders, backs and hoohaas out in the cold, I'll thankfully never know. I was so distracted by the people watching and good conversation that I forgot to order my one glass of wine I'd decided to have. bugger. Told you I was out of practice. Dinner came, the food was lovely even if it took ages to come and there was fireworks in the harbour which was a nice added treat. We even had dessert which as any parent with young kids will tell you is a rarity. Normally its enough effort to shovel your own now cold food in between feeding little people and breaking up food fights and tantys over the last biscuit or the fact that his cup is greener than her green cup!?!??! After a really nice relaxing evening with minimal kid talk we headed home and were tucked up in bed by just after 12 and neither of us turned into pumpkins.

About 1.30 the real fun began. We were woken by a projectile vomiting baby who managed to spew down the wall, all over her cot, her clothes, her bed linen and her sleeping bag. Nice.

With only an hour and a bit sleep under our belts, I think both hubby and I felt more hungover than we had in a long time. He changed her, I changed the bed. My Mum then came in and told us that she'd done the same thing about 3 hours earlier so this would be her 3rd set of sheets etc for the night. I'm a little bit OCD and with 3 in cots, I have a fair few sets of sheets but most were now dirty. If she did it again we would have issues changing her bedding. Little Miss has never really done this before and I have no idea what the cause was but it was pretty unpleasant. Thankfully, poor bubba slept through the rest of the night. Monkey Man decided to wake up multiple times crying though so it was without a doubt, a long night. All three were then up early as per usual.

Payback for going out, without the kids? Payback for not letting loose and having a wild night given we had the chance? Payback for staying home with babies for so long and being nannas before our time?? Who bloody knows but as I load my 4th load of washing for the day into the machine, and look at the 3 or 4 others spread all over the laundry waiting their turn, I have ample time to comtemplate why the spew monster decided to crash my saturday night. What a bitch, seriously. Would be nice if she'd send her cousin, the cleaning fairy, to sort out the mess she created. Or what about her sister, super nanny, to look after the toddlers who are doing their normal thing.

I am so grateful not to have an actual hangover today, so so grateful.

Friday, 18 May 2012

the holy grail

I'm on a journey right now, a journey to find what I need and who I am. I'm trying to lose weight, I'm trying to be a good mum, I'm trying to be a domestic goddess or similar, I'm trying to find me and who I am as a person - not just a mum. All day long I'm trying. I'm a mum to 3 under 3 but prior to that I worked, and I worked damn hard. The perfect balance of work and motherhood is a cliche I'm determined to find. Everything I do in life, I do hard, I give 150% and this search is no different. I've been applying for roles, going for interviews and kissing arse where needs be, all while wiping bottoms in the background. Does the perfect balance exist? Really exist?

When I was trying to have a baby I envisioned myself as a stay at home mum, with a perfectly well behaved and cute baby (its my fantasy ok!!)... I would lunch with friends, my child would be intelligent, swathed in cloth nappies and not use a dummy. I would successfully breastfeed and my baby would enjoy my home cooked food. My house would be spotless, dinner would be made for my hard working husband and I would be a domestic goddess that thrived at home. I did not predict I would have 3 babies in 3 years and that it would be a much harder gig than I ever imagined to be. As for the other fantasy thoughts, well they went flying out the window a couple of babies ago. Reality bit me. Big time. This stay at home mum business is bloody hard work and I take my hat off to anyone that can do it for extended periods of time. and stay sane.

Maybe the fault is mine, maybe I put too higher expectations on myself and need to cut myself some slack. Or maybe I just wasn't made to be a stay at home Mum. I have days where I really really wonder how I'm gonna get through. How early is too early to crack open some vodka? I have days where its all good, the kids are adorable and on the whole they seem to really love me so I must be doing something right. Right? Whatevs, it is what it is! So! I am hoping to be a working girl - no not that kind although I've heard the pay is good? I'm hoping to be a working Mum, part time employee, part time working mum although really once you become a Mum, there is nothing part time about it, ever.

So the search for the perfect job continues. I've been invited back for a second interview for a role I really like the sound of. The only thing that stands out as a negative with the role is that its a bit further than I want to go. I discovered tonight that a role I really wanted a few weeks back and was unsuccessful for, has been re-advertised. Interesting!! Fingers crossed the person chosen didn't work out and I can get my foot back in there. Close to home, a corporate environment and the money AND role I want. Cross your fingers for me as I want that job! I'll be sure to keep y'all posted on the saga that is job hunting, for a part time role, as a mum with 3 daycare dependent kids. *sigh* I'm SO employable right now!!??!

Until I manage to secure the right job, and daycare is sorted out (thats another post altogether) then I will be here, being a semi decent Mum just plodding along. I may or may not smell of vodka**, and I may or may not swear way too much but I'm here, all day, every day. I'm living in a zoo/chinese laundry with 3 crazy little monkeys who really have survived so far by pure chance. Poor little mites, totally born to the wrong mum who writes all about their tantrums and tiaras on her blog. They're stuck with me for a while yet. ^insert evil laugh HERE 

**note the vodka thing is totally a joke, for real. I wait til after they're in bed before I crack open the booze. promise.

 On a happy note, being a mum to 3 little people who regularly don't allow me to sit for more than 2.3 seconds at a time has granted me the waist line and ass size to fit into jeans I haven't fit into for 8 years. Lets ignore the fact that I still have a pair of jeans from the dark ages - I bought them in the states back before internet shopping was so big and I've kept them as my 'someday I will fit into those fcukers again' token piece of clothing. Seriously, its the simple things like fitting into non-stretch, proper jeans with a zip up waist and no elastic in sight that get me excited these days.


my little threenager

In less than 2 months, my biggest monkey, Monkey Man will be 3. I'm more sad about this than happy. And by sad, I mean really sad, because somehow the move from 2 to 3 means he's really and truly 100% not a baby anymore. My little boy is growing up. He's going to be a threenager.

Its a shame really that right now he's known as Tantrum Ted and he's clearly not aware he's about to grow up so much. For the last few weeks Monkey Man has been throwing massive tantys, he's been rather difficult to deal with and seriously, give me strength, he gives new meaning to the word argumentative. I've been defining this as a period of regression but the more I think about it, I think he's hit the throws of the threenage year early. It makes sense. He hit the terrible twos early, over a year early and that was horrendous. His world was turned upside down though when he became a big brother at exactly 1 year old so we accepted it as a phase and rode it out.  Oh what a bumpy ride it was. There were very genuine moments when I wondered if he would smother Missy Moo with a pillow and spent many days on edge, worried to leave them alone together. To see them together now you'd never know there was any hiccups. Missy Moo had a meltdown yesterday as I dropped Monkey Man at a friends place so I could do an emergency dash to the shops. They just adore each other despite fighting like cat and dog at times.

12 months later he became a big brother again, and this time he handled it so well. He wasn't really phased by Little Miss, he ignored her for a few weeks and then he was more interested in cuddling her and helping with her feeds or getting a nappy for her. Missy Moo's reaction to becoming a big sister at 1 year old was much worse but thats another story altogether. He's so lovely with Little Miss, he cuddles her, tells her its ok when she cries, tells me that she wants her mummy when she is crying, or daddy if I'm in a mood.

I figured that the issues with his own behaviour; wanting a cuddle, extra bedtime stories, throwing a tanty over the petty things etc etc were a form of regression and would be over soon. Or perhaps its his way of acting up like kids do when a sibling arrives, and he's just doing it 9mths later. But the more I read about it, the more I believe we're dealing with a threenager a few months early. The question is, how to deal with it? And how will I cope with a threenager and a girl suffering the terrible twos at the same time?

In all seriousness, you may as well pass the bourban right now because if Little Miss decides to hit her terrible twos a year early like Monkey Man did, I am confident I will go insane. In fact, just show me to my ward in the looney bin now please. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, just go directly to jail. At least I might get to pee there without one of my little people throwing a tanty as they can't come with me, or a tanty because I won't let them unroll the entire roll of bog roll, or a tanty because they came with me and my pee didn't last as long as they wanted it to.
Seriously, can I get that bourban intravenously???

Wednesday, 16 May 2012

I see stupid people

For as long as I can remember, I've had little (zero) patience for stupidity. I can't stand idiots. It's that simple. Yet I seem to encounter them daily.

Today I saw a lady put her baby and toddler into the car. The baby was strapped in, the toddler was left to free range in the back seat. What the fcuk is that all about?

I watched a toddler slide out of the front of his pram at the shops today because his mother was so busy on the phone she'd neglected to strap him in. She then screamed at him to get his 'fcukin ass back in his seat (cuz it was his fault!??!) before she flogged him into next week'. Jeezus!

The other day I saw a man driving down the road with a car loaded to the rafters.... there was so much stuff crammed in. There was also two young boys sitting in amongst the stuff in his car, neither actually in seats let alone seat belts. And the driver was texting as he drove.

On the weekend a man decided to stand in front of my Missy Moo at an animal demonstration. Ummmm she's 2ft tall, could you not stand behind her? I tapped him on the shoulder and asked him to move and the look he gave me was deadset priceless, he really couldn't believe I asked him to move. Dickhead.

A 19 year old P plater was caught doing 200+ km an hour today, more than double the speed limit. Lucky for everyone on the road he was caught before he killed someone.

We moved houses 14 months ago and with the new house, we got a new phone number. I've lost count of how many times we've had 'wrong number' calls. They happen from time to time, I get that, but the same people keep calling us over and over again. How many times can you tell someone that they have the wrong number before they actually listen. Today's call went something like this

ME: hello?
CALLER: Hi can I speak to Mr Shams?
ME: no, you have the wrong number
CALLER: are you sure?
ME: yes, I'm quite sure
CALLER: are you really sure?
ME: yes, I'm really quite sure
CALLER: is this xxx-xxxxx?
ME: yes thats the number but no one by that name lives here
note kids are screaming at me by this stage, steam is now building in my head
CALLER: but thats the number we have for Mr Shams?
ME: well I don't know Mr Shams and I presume this USED to be his number but not anymore, and not for over a year
CALLER: is this address blah blah blah?
CALLER: whats the address there?
ME: I'm not giving you my address, I don't even know who you are
CALLER: but we have address blah blah for this number
ME: well your records are wrong! please delete this number. I need to go now, you have the wrong number
CALLER: so are you sure Mr Shams isnt there?
I slammed the phone down after a few expletives. Note: slamming the phone down isnt as much of a stress reliever as it used to be, pushing the end call button on a cordless phone just doesnt do it for me.

I don't suffer fools lightly, I find it so hard to bite my tongue and say nothing but honestly, its so SO hard. For the last few years, being aware I'm getting older, I've tried to practice a 'think before speaking' policy. I am trying to not just mouth off as I've suffered many occurences of foot in mouth disorder. Sometimes I am able to put my policy into practice, sometimes not so much. Sometimes I feel I'm surrounded by complete idiots.

Is it just me with this intolerance? Is it just part of getting older?

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

Tantrum Ted

Three little monkeys, their Nanny and I went to see Elmo today. The whole gang was there, Elmo, Abbey, Grover, Big Bird, Sammi, The Count, Cookie Monster, Bert and Ernie, Lady Baa Baa (yes really!!) and Tantrum Ted.... The show was great, we had fabulous seats (second row baby!!) and I managed to divert the kids past the merchandise table, woohoo! Tantrum Ted I hear you ask?? He's the newest resident on Sesame St. He's almost 3, blonde and has serious attitude.

Tantrum Ted didn't want to sit still, he didn't want to sit through the entire show and made it loud and clear when he was 'done!', he hung over the back of his chair and pulled faces at other muppets, he wanted food and once it was all gone a tantrum appeared. This first tantrum was eased by the promise of lunch after the show. Thankfully the show ended shortly after. Yes Monkey Man is currently channelling his inner Tantrum Ted and boy oh boy, are the tantrums epic and frequent.

We walked to the closest McDonalds, stopping to sniff every flower, pick up every cigarette butt and touch every sparkly bit on the ground (as you do at 2 and a half). Both he and Missy Moo hit the playground with passion while I ordered food. Once they were asked to come and eat, tiredness and hunger were at play and well Tantrum Ted showed his true colours. I had Little Miss strapped to me in the baby carrier so when Tantrum Ted threw himself down on the floor and commenced kicking and screaming I considered leaving him there. Everyone was looking at us. Plus he was lying in the doorway so I had to pick him up. I think I did something to my back trying to drag him up from the floor. The tantrum went for the longest time, nothing stopped it and aside from frequent pauses requesting a 'cuddle', it was loud and proud. Everyone was watching, people were commenting, it was ultra humiliating. I threatened a smack, I threatened to take him home right now, I threatened to leave him behind, I threatened to give Missy Moo ice cream while he watched.... gah! nothing bloody worked!! I admitted defeat and we packed up and headed home while everyone stared at us. I had to carry him most of the way back to the car, again while I had Little Miss strapped to me. . .Tantrum Ted is helping me get my daily exercise thats for sure. All 3 promptly fell asleep in the car and I achieved a holy grail of parenting, I successfully transferred all 3 sleeping bambinos from the car to their beds. Monkey Man slept for a further 2.5 hours and I left him to it, he clearly needed it.

Tomorrow will be better right?

Monday, 14 May 2012


I got a new toy for mothers day, my much wanted, long awaited DSLR camera and I am loving it, hard!!

I have so much to learn but am so excited about learning new skills, and hopefully getting better with time. Bring it on.

These are my first unedited pics of my precious babies, on my precious new toy... can you tell I'm excited, and loving it! Woot!!

seriously, loving this camera - how cute are my kids!!

Saturday, 12 May 2012

Mothers Day 2012

Mothers Day this year was my third and it went for a few days which was fab! Mums are special, and I appreciate mine so much more since becoming a Mum myself. I don't know how she did it alone with 2 young kids....

On Friday I attended daycare for Mothers Day morning tea. We were treated to songs and massages from our kiddies, and some beautiful hand made goodies. I LOVE the gifts daycare make with the kids.... alot of thought go into them and how they manage to get perfect handprints from litttle people amazes me. I can never get a bloody good handprint. I've kept each handmade thingy I've received from daycare and plan to hang on to them forever. I also plan to embarrass my kids with them hahaha.

Saturday night my cousin and I took our Mums to dinner and a show, a surprise outing for them. Mothers Day is important to me as a Mum but also I try to make sure my Mum is acknowledged as she did a great job as a single Mum, and is a fantastic Nanna to my kids. We enjoyed dinner on the water in Darling Harbour and then saw An Officer & A Gentleman. Woot, the male lead was a bit alright and the show was great. After a late night I was hoping for a sleep in but we had a busy day planned today so when I heard my hubby and 3 kids 'creep' up the stairs this morning I was chuffed to see them. They came bearing gifts as well as cuddles, what a great way to wake up.

I got a beautiful personalised card, and a new iphone case with an image of my kidlets on it.... how sweet. It was all in a beautiful gift bag but hubby did wrap the phone case in a post bag, as a joke. He clearly read my blog(s).... smart ass! I also got another gift... my DSLR!!!! I've been wanting this camera for the longest time and now, I have it! Be prepared for photo heavy posts - apologies in advance. And thankyou to all of you for the FB and blog bullying you dished out to my hubby. This year, he did good. This year, I'm thrilled.

my special new phone case *love*

my new baby!!!!

Sunday we spent the morning at an animal farm. The kids loved it; Missy Moo was fine despite my reservations and worries. Little Miss was so calm and happy despite no sleep. Monkey Man was, however, a nightmare! Running here there and everywhere he shouldn't. If there was an out of bounds place, he was there. He ran around in front of everyone like a lunatic and I'm positive every one there was talking about 'that boy' and his psycho mum. I was the one who wouldn't let him climb into animal enclosures, the one who wouldn't let him eat poop, the one who wouldn't let him crawl into a well. I'm such a spoil sport. Meh, let them talk, it was for his own good.
My little family today:

Happy Mothers Day to all the lovely mummas I know. Some of the most supportive, encouraging, kind and generous people I know and who I couldn't live without. Love ya!