Thursday, 23 June 2011

one week of paid work left

My official last day of paid work is next Thursday and my excitement is uber! I cannot wait to get back to being a SAHM and being with my kiddies. Since I became a Mum I've been home with my kids and I loved it, bad days and all...That was until about 5 months ago when I returned to fulltime work and gained a new found respect for the working mother. Unfortunately  for us, this was a choice we had to make in order for us to buy a bigger house - I had to have a fulltime income in order for us to qualify for a bigger mortgage, despite the fact that most of my income is eaten by childcare fees!! Go figure! Living in a small 3 bedroom house with 3 kids under 3 and no storage of any kind, not even a garage, wasn't going to be a livable option so the decision was made and off I went. Its been tough, and I haven't really enjoyed it. My welcome back to work was not great, I was expected to just pick up where I left off nearly two years ago. I find it ironic that if you have a long period away from work due to illness or injury when you return to work, HR is involved and its all very official, everything is documented and your needs are catered for, you're supported. If you go on maternity leave you're expected to just slot back in despite being away from the environment for a substantial time, technology changes, processes change and you're just supposed to know/remember everything. Obviously this is a individual experience, but mine was shitty. I had no choice but to find my brain and was given projects to work on, and eventually I found the Me I was before becoming a Mum. My company had moved to a new version of Office so that was a fun time, clicking every button til I worked out how to do what the hell I needed to do! Things I used to do without thinking about became problems and I had to ask for help. A strange concept for me! And I had many mornings on the bus where my ipod would shuffle to a Wiggles song and I'd have a teary smile as I hit skip... I'm sure fellow commuters were thinking I was rather strange... I battled daily guilt and feelings of dread as thoughts of my kids growing up without me filled my head, I pictured my youngest crawling and me not being there to see it. A thought that still fills me with absolute panic. Lucky for me, she crawled for the first time at home and while a part of me was wishing she would hurry up and get moving like her brother did, a bigger part of me is glad she's only getting there now... its like she knew I wanted and needed to be there?? She is a mummys' girl after all.

But the time has come for me to hang up my laptop bag and bus pass and return to nappy bags, crafts, play school, mothers group and ABC2. Sidenote: show me a mother that doesn't love ABC2?!?! I achieved what I set out to, we bought a lovely big house and it feels like we've lived here forever. I've qualified for another year of maternity leave and as a bonus I was made redundant. I was most likely going to have to resign after my maternity leave so this way they're paying me to go, something I didn't dare get my hopes up for but am secretly thrilled about.

I'm excited, I'm about to become a mother of 3, I'm nervous, scared but most of all excited to meet our newest addition. I'm looking forward to being here for my kids, to watch them hit milestones and grow up together. I'm dreading the bad days, am not nervous about the newborn stage and just have to remind myself constantly (DAILY, hahaha) that 'this too shall pass'. I'm under no illusions the challenge I'm about to embark on is going to be easy but bring it on I say, at least my heart is in it....



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