Thursday, 30 August 2012

5 minutes of fame

I experienced 5 minutes of fame today, and I'm not ashamed to admit, I kinda liked it.

I started this blogging business as a way to vent my frustrations as well as record my childrens' milestones - perhaps that should be the other way round?? I never expected to be contacted by anyone and asked to write for them - and I certainly didn't expect two different places to contact me in a matter of days? Convinced it was a wind up of some sort, I was slightly wary but turns out they read my blog and well, kinda like my style. I've said nothing about it as I didn't know if it would turn into anything (did I mention I was wary??)....Could I meet a deadline? Could I write how they wanted? Could I meet a word limit demand - I do tend to waffle on a bit. Anyway! I often wonder if anyone is reading my rambles, whinges and complaints? Turns out, yes people are actually reading my stuff. Like, wow!!

Yesterday I submitted my first article and not only did they like it, and not re-write it too much, they hit the publish button - today! Totally surreal to see your own name next to 'written by'??

So apparently now more people are reading my stuff. . . and well, thats just awesome!! Maybe I shouldn't swear so much? Maybe I shouldn't ask myself questions so much? I'm proud of my 5 minutes of fame, it most likely won't turn into anything else but who cares.

Come check my article here - yes it's about the bloody birthday party again. That's what I was asked to write about - it's not my fault!! Please, come share a virtual glass of champers with me darlings and celebrate my five minute brush with fame. I promise to remember all my lovely friends when I'm a total celeb, like for real.

In case you're feeling not worthy right now, don't panic. I still changed what I'm sure was 100 shitty nappies today, and I washed eleventy billion socks, I cleaned up food mess and toynamis that seem to take over the house multiple times a day. Hell I had a total snap moment and poured a half full cup of water over my Monkey Man when he wouldn't stop pouring it all over the table. Two wrongs and all that? Shit! In hindsight I didn't handle that well. Oh yes, I'm living the dream people, living.the.dream.


Saturday, 25 August 2012

so yeah, I quit

On Friday I quit. It's been 2 months, maybe a bit longer I'm not really sure as everyday blends into the one before and to be honest most days I have no idea what actual day it is. I.just.can' I hate the job, hate the pressure I'm under, hate the travel, hate being away from my kids, hate having to do the stressful get everyone up and out of the house by a certain time drill, hate the stressful drive home in bumper to bumper traffic and I hate the job!!! Oh and I can't stand the moody cow I work with who I'm sure is shagging the boss but you know, not my problem anymore.

As soon as I made the decision to quit I felt so much happier within myself. There was light at the end of the tunnel! Now that I've actually done it, given that notice, I feel happy again. Very clearly, this is the right decision for me, for my family. I have to work a few weeks notice but whatever, soon I will be back home doing my stay at home mum thing. I will not be stressing over daycare payments vs my take home pay, I will not be stressing about phone calls to pick up sick kids and having to leave work after being there for an hour. I'm looking forward to not feeling so stressed or pressured. If I can find something that allows me to work a couple of nights a week and maybe one day per weekend, and not pay daycare fees then I think that would work for me but I'm not going desperately searching for it. I need a rest.

Of course, in complete irony, once I did resign I had a great day. Not because I resigned but because I was busy and not bored out my brain. Moody cow was out of the office and the rest of the team actually approached and engaged me, I suspect they're rather scared of her as they keep their distance whenever she is in the office. We're on top of bills so I can see the financial pressure easing, not totally but enough to survive. If I loved the job I would stay and silence the voices in my head that question WHY am I doing this but I don't so, I'm going. End of. As a good friend told me, I would be sacked in an instant if the need arose so I shouldn't feel guilty about my decision to leave. Family first, always. 

I know the whole stay at home mum gig isn't easy, and I know I certainly have my days where I don't cope. I am however looking forward to keeping some me time in my life as I know I need it. I got so lost in motherhood and my kids that I forgot about me. Lets be honest, a happy mumma means happy kids. I need to find some happiness, some me time and my equilibrium will be restored. The weather is improving so I want to get back into walking, and swimming laps. I plan to find a course of some sort to occupy my mind and the kids and I are going to get into story time at the library and baking - I'll get them eating more foods one way or another. Oh and playdates will of course be back, woohoo! I missed playdates, I miss talking crap with other mums and gossing about play school hosts and wiggles skivvys, hahahaha. I'm currently exploring a way to get them into swimming lessons but I dare say that might be a 2x adult (at least) job. I'm never one to shy away from a challenge though.

Overall I'm excited. I feel a little bit of a failure but there was only one way to know if it was going to work. I tried, it didn't work. I'm walking away with my tail between my legs but am more relieved than anything. I'll wait til the kids are a bit older before trying again, and when I do try it will be for the career I want, something to challenge me in many ways and make any sacrifices worth it. Fingers crossed next time will be a success.

Until then, anyone free for a play date?

Friday, 24 August 2012

She who is brave

Brave is how I would describe Little Miss at the moment. She's just turned one, has 7 teeth and I suspect her molars are coming although (wish they would hurry up!).... Sleeping through the night is still a rare event and she has a habit of screeching at the top of her lungs for attention of any form. She's 11.5kg and 79cm so at the top of both the stupid outdated charts the professionals still use to measure babies. Her smile is huge and her whole face lights up whenever she sees any of her family, and the older she gets the more I see myself in her. If I had to and could only choose one word to describe her, it would be brave.... so very brave

brave as she cruises the furniture

brave as she rides cars

brave as she steals toys from her siblings

brave as she throws her food

oh yes, my littlest Miss is so very brave and getting braver by the minute!

Tuesday, 21 August 2012

2 toddlers on the loose in a video store

I took my 3 yo and 2 yo to a video store on the weekend. It was seriously stressful.

I listened to them chant all day, and by all day I mean from 5.30am, that they wanted to watch Tinkerbell - which of course is one we don't have. It was a beautiful sunny day outside so why we had to watch a movie?? Don't ask me where the request came from, or why it was the request so unrelenting, but it was. After using this to my advantage ie 'if you don't eat your breakfast, if you don't get down off the bench, if you don't lie down and have a sleep etc etc there will be no Tinkerbell', I finally caved and off we went. Given we have pay TV we watch in the very little time we have to actually watch something, we have not hired from a video store in what feels like a million years. I wasn't sure they still existed and once we found one, I had to join. I was asked to come to the other side of the counter, which meant leaving my tots in the kids section, out of sight. I did tell the spotty 12 yo behind the counter that it would be in everyones best interest if I could stay on this side where I could see my kids. He insisted, saying 'they'll be fine'. For the record; I wasn't worried about them, more the state of his shop. Here is where is all went terribly wrong.

Within seconds Missy Moo had pulled every Dora DVD off the shelf. I could hear the cases banging to the floor, the clicking of the cases being pulled open and her asking 'where is disc?' over and over again while another equally spotty, equally young staff member looked on, looking rather concerned. I could see him mentally calculating how much of his minimum wage it would take to clean up the mess caused by one cute but cheeky 2yo girl. I'm sure he had just alphabetised that section. Monkey Man was over on the other side of the shop, hidden behind high stands of DVDs with his location only given away by his incessant yelling at me to 'look mummy!' in very excited, very loud tones - all while I am being asked 100 questions about my phone numbers, addresses, a PIN and if anyone else will be using my card.

'Look mummy, a monster!'
BANG (DVD falls to the floor)
'Look mummy, a dinosaur!'
CRASH (multiple DVDs fall to the floor)
'Look mummy, her got her boobies out!'

I swear, I wanted to die. I managed to herd him back to the kids section, and instructed him to help his sister pack away the Dora mess and stay there for just a few more minutes. He starts asking me over and over again 'where is Tinkerbell?', his sister joined in the chant and there is still a pile of bloody dora DVDs all over the floor. Spotty-attitudey-teenager-boss-child is getting shirty with me as he has other customers to serve and I now can't remember the PIN I just entered - I plead with him to make this quicker so I can help clean up the mess and get the hell out of there.

Monkey Man and Missy Moo then discover the chocolate stand - located conveniently at the kids section and just at their height. Fcukers! They both start asking for Freddos, I say no, so they ask again and again and again. I'm signing forms and turn around to see them both squishing chocolates in their hot little hands and Monkey Man is seconds away from pocketing one! Ummmm no way! I pretty much lose my cool at this stage, throw the chocolates back into the stand, shove the DVDs back on the shelf, search pockets for contraband, make a mental note never to buy my son pants with pockets again and to have a serious talk about stealing soon, grab our chosen DVDs including friggin Tinkerbell, throw money at the spotty pissed off staff and vow never ever to bring the kids to Blockbuster again. I'm pretty sure my membership was cancelled as soon as we left the store.

Monkey Man then nearly ran onto the road as he's not used to being free from a pram or a trolley, or because he's a toddler, or because he trying to escape from his mentally insane and frazzled mother. Whatever! I cracked open a drink once I got home and I enjoyed every sip which blurred the memory of our disastrous outing and thanked the heavens I didn't have our third monkey with me to add to the fun.

Monday, 20 August 2012

a taste of spring

Last night our kids went to bed half an hour earlier than usual as they were beyond exhausted. Mum sat with them on Saturday night so hubby and I could go on a much needed date night, and she put them to bed for us. All 'was perfect' according to her, as it always is - I suspect she wouldn't tell us otherwise, even if they were nazi-hell-zombie-devil-like. They're perfect grandchildren in her eyes, and I'm a control freak daughter who needs no excuse to never go out again so she's protecting me in many ways. Given how tired they were I have an inkling they didn't go to bed on time but whatever, we had freedom! Woohoo! I was too busy relaxing in gold class bliss eating my $20 calamari and sipping my $5 coke and bucket of malteasers to care. Anyway, the kids collapsed into bed early, tears and tantys aplenty and we had an extra half an hour of our night - totally balanced by the fact they were up at 5.30am, they owed us some time right? We got to watch the news for the first time in forever. The weather girl made the statement 'this week will be a taste of spring to come' and the statement has stuck with me.

I love Spring in Sydney, its not too hot, every day is generally bright blue skies and sunshine with just a slight chill in the mornings and evenings, enough to need a cardy or light jacket. Slippers and dressing gowns along with jumpers and trackies are packed away for another 8-9 mths and t-shirts and shorts start making an appearance once again. We got married in Spring and had THE MOST PERFECT day weather wise, perfect in many ways actually.

This year will be 5 years since we got married, and its easy to get stuck in the negative, the stresses of life and wonder just what you've gotten yourself into.... Sometimes you need to look back on photos of a happy time and remind yourself of a beautiful day. And what a beautiful day we had. I also think I need to give myself a little credit, I mean alot has happened during the last 5 years - not least of all 3 kids in 3 years. I can't expect to be the same person I was 5 years ago. I imagined how one child would change things and I welcomed that challenge, bring it on I said! I didn't however, ever really consider how 3 would impact things, and how significant it would be to have 3 so quickly. I now know why so many people told us we were crazy. And I agree with them. I think we might need to book in a date night/day for our wedding anniversary, seeing as we're making more of an effort and all that . . .

Our 3 little monkeys are a beautiful reflection of 5 years of marriage, and god love em they're the loves of my life. For all the tantys, tears and traumas - and thats just me - they fill my heart with so much joy.

I'm looking forward to Spring 2012 with my 1, 2 & 3 year olds. I can't wait to see their pasty white (sorry kids) chubby little legs and arms poking out from shorts, skirts and t-shirts, battling with them to get them to keep their hats on and teaching them to swim and how to wear thongs (of the foot variety for any english/american readers). I'm looking forward to some new summer clothes for me as nothing from last year fits. My needs may need to wait a while as I may, ahem, have overindulged in cute little kids outfits. Oops.

We've even got a little road trip planned with their grandparents who are coming over from England later in the year. It will be the first time they meet, and perhaps the last given how far apart we live, their increasing ages, our lack of funds or inclination to take 3 young ones on such a long flight etc etc. I'm sure there will be loads of fun, cuddles, tantys and tears but there will definitely be beautiful photos to look back on and remember happy times so!


Thursday, 16 August 2012

rocky shores

At the moment, we are simply existing. Whatever we're doing, I wouldn't call it living thats for sure. Life is hectic, crazily busy and down time is rare, oh so very rare. My hubby has been travelling alot for work, which just increases the pressure on me and when he's here he's got his head in his i-phone or his laptop most of the time. Work sux, I'm not feeling it and trying to work out if I can line something else up first or should I just resign. The last two wednesdays I have been phoned by daycare to come and collect sick kids - a different one each week. Apart from the sick kid factor, there is nothing I love more than paying for a full day at daycare, for 3 kids, while I'm at home not getting paid - the joys of contracting. Between work, kids, bills, family, friends, etc etc etc I am feeling pressure, oh so much pressure from every possible angle. I'm not enjoying this, this is not for me. This is not what I imagined married life to be.

A few years ago we went to I think 7 weddings in a year. With all the other stuff that goes with weddings, the engagement parties, hens parties, stag parties, kitchen teas, etc etc it felt like we were at something every weekend. Probably because we were, and why not? We were child and responsibility free and between concerts, races, parties, bbqs, we were together alot. When you get married, its all in front of you, so you think. I don't think anyone fully understands how children and life change your relationship.

Over the last couple of weeks two couple friends have announced their separation, and another friend told me she'd have left her husband years ago had it not been for their kids. This makes me sad and a few years back - pre marriage, pre kids, pre experience, I would have been on my soapbox, judging, tut tutting about how you could possibly let that happen to your relationship??? Now, I totally get it. I understand how you can drift apart from your partner. Life gets in the way. Life happens.

I asked some friends when was the last time they had couple time, went on a date and most responded that it had been so long they couldn't remember. Like me, they feel guilty for asking others to watch their kids. They worry about splurging on a date night when money is tight and bills are due. Sleep becomes more important than a big night out especially when dealing with children that wake overnight and start the day at stupid AM. Responsibility and life gets in the way of fun and relationships. No one tells you this when you say you're getting married and planning a family. It was reassuring to know I'm not alone, that other wives feel this way and that other relationships go through this.

But,  its time for change, time to make an effort. We have a date night locked in for this weekend, mum is booked to watch our kids for us and we're off for a meal out. A few hours of us time, with no kids, no tantys, no chicken nuggets, no fighting and no sharing - although if he gets a better dessert than me then I am all over that! It's been a while, like 7 months a while which is a tad embarrassing to admit but its been a while since we went on a date. We went to a wedding in that time but that was March so yep its been a while. I might even shave my legs. Maybe, just maybe we will have our next date before the year is out? 3 a year with 3 under 4? Lets go crazy!! Its definitely time to make an effort.

As with sleepless nights, crying babies, fighting toddlers, this too shall pass. . . right??

When was the last time you had some couple time? Made an effort? Shaved your legs?

Wednesday, 15 August 2012

a rainbow birthday party

For those of you who are facebook friends with me you'll be sick of hearing about this. For those of you that were at the party you'll be sick of hearing about this. Sorry bout that. The point of my blog is for my kids (and me) to be able to look back on these crazy years and remember what actually happened, considering I can't remember what I did last week this is possibly the best idea I've had in years - so bear with me.

A couple of weekends ago we had a rainbow birthday party for our three monkeys. With three birthdays within 3 weeks its silly to have 3 parties so a combined party it is - and will be for as long as I can get away with it!!

With 20 something kids under 4 in attendance (crazy!) and almost double that number in adults it was a crazy busy day but the sun shone, the skies were clear and a good time was had by all, laughs aplenty - I was totally exhausted, but you know... whatevs! Our kids were spoilt with lovely gifts (that I forgot to take a photo of!) and unwrapping everything was a flurry of paper, tags, toys, books and clothes. Little Miss ate a couple of gift tags in the process, as you do, so there are a few gifts they received that I couldn't tell you who they were from. I still need to do thankyou cards - am I the only person that does these anymore?
We had a great day so rather than bore you with words I will post photos instead:

and a couple of my kiddies - I don't want to post other people or their kids for their privacy, but getting a professional photographer was one of the best things I did for this party and we have beautiful photos for everyone.

Happy 1st, 2nd and 3rd birthday monkeys!! Now what theme can we do for 2,3,4??
I would love to do party planning as a job, how fun would that be!

Monday, 13 August 2012

how do you do it?

This morning when I dropped my kids at daycare I got talking to one of the other mums. She has two kidlets and we often cross paths at drop off and pick up time, today however was the first time we spoke. Her youngest is a few months younger than my Little Miss, her oldest the same age as my Monkey Man. Turns out our boys are friends, she's the mum of the Isaac I hear so much about, so often. I didn't realise that 3 year olds had actual friends, I figured they just got along with whoever was around but didn't have actual friends. Turns out Isaac talks about Monkey Man just as much. Turns out 3 year olds do have actual friends. The things you learn hey.

So we got to chatting, in the carpark, as you do.... for half an hour. as you do. It meant I was late for work, as you do. Turns out she admires me every time she sees me bringing my 3 kids into daycare. She wonders how I do it. She feels bad for cursing her own two, and ever thinking she has it hard with two. Its weird hearing a complete stranger say things like that. I often see other Mums struggling with a tantrumming toddler or a screaming baby, I hear of Mums losing babies and children, I see other Mums doing their thing and I wonder how they do it. I wonder how they manage and I feel bad for having a bad day. We see others and wonder how they do it?

I get clothes and daycare bags ready the night before. I organise lunches the night before. I mentally plan what I'm going to wear and by mentally plan I mean I choose the things that don't need ironing. I try to go to bed with a tidy house as nothing stresses me more than waking to a mess. I try to think of my to-do list for the next day and make sure I have what I need to fulfill the list. I do my make up in the car on the way to work, after drop off and once I've wiped peanut butter off my face -  which is most likely why on the odd occasion I go into daycare looking half decent they can never work out 'what is different about me'?? LOL

So how do you do it? What methods do you use to cope? What tips do you have for a smooth escape from the house in the morning? How do you get everyone ready and out the door? How do you do it? ? ? 

Monday, 6 August 2012

my toy is broken

My new toy, my DSLR is broken right now and right now I feel like my arm has been cut off. For real. It worked fine on Saturday morning then in the afternoon, nothing. It won't fire, it makes no noise.... its sleeping. In the middle of my girls birthday weekend. Fcuk. I went into panic mode on Saturday night, accused the husband of dropping it - everything is always my hubbys fault, I went onto facebook and quizzed photo expert type friends, anyone that would answer my desperate status update for help, I consulted Dr Google, I accused the husband again but in a nice way - it's ok if you dropped it, just tell me. And I went to bed stressing over my new baby being broken, which is bloody ridiculous seeing as its a few months old thus under warranty, it was not dropped or anything else so it's clearly faulty. And as my husband keeps telling me, a fault is a fault and sometimes they just happen. Sunday I raced to a camera house for help and got the nicest, nerdiest dude ever! God love nerds! He had a quick play and confirmed after a lens swap that yes its a faulty lens and yes it will be under warranty as you can clearly see the camera is in perfect condition ie not dropped - sorry hubby. . . He also showed me how to fix the view finder so I could read the numbers - so that's what that dial is for??? Now begins the battle to get it replaced under warranty and *cry* the time it will take, ie the time without my baby, my right arm. . . . le sigh, I am already hating the point and shoot I am stuck with using but I need to be able to capture my kids especially on days like their birthdays.

Thinking about it, its the 3rd thing to go wrong and you know how they say things go wrong in threes?? I got a parking fine last week, or was it the week before? I hit a gutter while driving home on Saturday afternoon and burst the tyre, leaving me to do the whole damsel in distress thing as I couldn't change the tyre by myself. It could have been worse, I could have had the kids with me. And then my camera died. All things that will cost money, money we don't have right now.... I keep telling myself to be grateful, things could always be worse and really, we have our health blah blah blah! Give me a break please universe, I'm kinda over stressing.

I've been a bit quiet recently I know. I've found adjusting to work quite hectic and I'm still not 100% its for me. Its not the job, the job is fine, I suspect its me and the whole not knowing what I want thing I've got going on. The kids have adjusted fairly well, we're still perfecting getting out the door of a morning but am hoping that will come over time and they're happy with life as it is. They love school and seeing their friends and teachers. They're learning alot. I see women with children at the shops near my work and the pangs of guilt are nothing short of phenomenal. They should be me, I should be with my kids and not at work. I wonder if it ever goes away, or at least eases? Does it? Will I ever know what I want 100%? I'd love to find  something to do from home that paid a little bit towards bills, gave me a sense of satisfaction and contribution and allowed me to be home with my kids. Sadly I don't want to be a tupperware or body shop consultant so my search for that magical role continues... maybe I should be a party planner?? Being a grown up really sux sometimes

Sunday, 5 August 2012

Missy Moo is 2

Dear Missy Moo,

You're two, you've been talking about it for weeks and now its finally here - you are two!!! You're a chatterbox, you're bossy, you're opinionated, you're demanding and yet you're only two. Basically, you are me in a mini format! You may not look like me, but you sure are like me in personality.

You're blonde curly hair can be wild and lion mane like, you're not great at waking up preferring to do it at your own pace - again, like me! You've really got a beautiful little face complete with chubby cheeks - I promise you will grow into them. You love dancing, you love anything purple and sparkly and your dollies and babies are your favourite toys. You love your big brother although you wouldn't know it given how much you fight. You adore your baby sister, constantly giving her cuddles. You love being cuddled and picked up, constantly telling us to 'picka me up' which is adorable. You love your dummy which is an addiction we will need to tackle at some stage. You love shoes - again, you get that from me! You know your colours and shapes and love counting, so far upto 6 but it seems like every day you master a new number. You're into Dora The Explorer (much to my disgust) and Disney Princesses right now. You're a joy to be around and I really don't remember life before you. Stay cool little dancing queen, can't wait to see who you become. Love you so much xxxx

Saturday, 4 August 2012

Little Miss is 1

Dear Little Miss,

Today you turn the big 1! Turning 1 is such a momentous occasion, not just for you but for us, who survived the hard first year. Or so they say. Don't get me wrong, I think the first year is hard but honestly its no harder than the next years. The first few months however, nightmare! The multiple wake ups a night are the worst! Mind you I’ll be happy to never have to live through a year with 3 under 3 again. You are a cute baby and you’re becoming a beautiful toddler, with dark hair and big blue eyes, and a smile that lights up the room. You look alot like your siblings however there is a definite difference to your looks, and just quietly, between you and me I think you look more like me. You have this way of reaching out to people, quite literally. You reach out to complete strangers and seem to want to hold hands with everyone and you love clapping – at everyone! At the moment you’re learning to stand, you’ve mastered standing up hanging onto things but solo standing and those all important first steps aren’t far away. We found you stood up in your cot the other night, and you were most unhappy about it – screaming the place down! You crawl around the house at the speed of light, often swapping crawling for bum shuffling which is funny as your big sister did that too. We often have to catch you as you crawl off beds, chairs, steps etc with apparently no sense of fear. You’re a cheeky little character already, often taking toys from your brother and sister and escaping with a big grin on your face as they scream and shout behind you and there seems to be a trail of destruction wherever you go, with the train table the number one victim. You’ve been wearing size 1 for a while now and I suspect 2 isn’t far away, if only in length. The wardrobe full of clothes I kept from Missy Moo are all pretty much useless as you’re bigger and longer than she was at this age despite being exactly a year apart. I suspect you’ve done this on purpose as you’re a diva in training and this is your way of saying ‘um no, I don’t wear hand me downs’.... we’ll see! Hopefully you will master sleeping through the night soon as this skill seems to have evaded you thus far. Occasionally you tease us with a night here or there but it never lasts long. With a great appetite and a sense of independence both that seem to grow everyday, you certainly keep us on our toes. Your first year has gone by in the blink of an eye and I can’t wait to see what the following years have in store for you.

We were taken by surprise when we found out you were coming to join us, but a year in and I doubt either your Daddy or I could imagine our family without you. You’re cheeky, cuddly, inquisitive, loving and independent... thankyou for choosing our family. Happy birthday baby girl, we love you more than you’ll ever know. 

11.08am you came into the world, screaming and loud - I am woman hear me ROAR!!

I can't believe how much you have changed in a year

 Happy 1st birthday cheeky chops! xxxx