Monday, 29 October 2012

learning to share

With 3 kids so close in age learning to share is a daily battle. I cannot tell you how many times a day I say 'you've got to share with your brother/sister/friend' . . .If I had a dollar for every time I'd be a bloody millionaire!

We took the kids to a Halloween Fair on Sunday afternoon and they had a ball. Pancakes, ice cream, cakes, jumping castles, spinning tea cups, flying cars, a giant slide and of course show bags of useless cheap imported crap that's all broken within 48 hours of purchase. The imitation Dora hand bag has caused so many domestics between the 2 and 3 year old, and dont get me started on the fake Strawberry Shortcake hat that's now in two pieces and thus unwearable. Argh! Overpriced tat that we HAD to have! Every time they go for a sleep I put a few more small pieces in the bin and so far, I've gotten away with it every time.

According to a few 'raising children' articles I've read, kids don't really grasp the concept of sharing until 4 so I should probably accept that I'll be prattlling on about sharing for the forseeable future. Lord help me.

Today marks a week since my Mum moved in with us. She's staying with us while her house sells and her new place is built. The kids love having Nanny here, and me, well I'm getting used to it. Don't get me wrong, I love my Mum but we are very similar and therefore clash. Turns out its not just my kids that need to learn to share. Turns out I need to learn to share too... my space, my kids, my fridge, my chocolate - not in any particular order. Just before I had Little Miss I bought a chocolate sundae from maccas and put it in my freezer, ready for my arrival home from hospital. I was being a good girl and obeying the 'thou shall not eat soft serve when pregnant' rule. And ..... my Mum ate it. Seriously. If she was a friend I think I would have ended our friendship on the spot. Totally seriously! I was dreaming about that sundae and it was gone. I was so disappointed. Yes we will survive living together, there will be moments I'd dare say but we will survive.

Typically I am not a good sharer. A few years back I had a couple of friends stay with us when they first moved to Australia. Used tea bags were left on the kitchen bench, mere steps away from the bin, sheets weren't washed for weeks, housework wasn't done unless I threw a huge tanty - and then when it was done there was a whole 'praise me' performance to contend with. Why do men do that?? You vaccuumed, woohoo, get over yourself. The couple of times they did try to help by doing my washing, I got all funny about them touching my underwear. It's true what they say, sometimes there is just no pleasing some people hahaha. Ironically when they left I missed them. True story. A couple of years before that I flat shared with 4 other girls. 5 women in a 4 bedroom flat. Really. Yeah, there was some big ass fireworks often seen from that place!! Man we had some domestics in that place... good times! I also gained a friend for life and wouldn't change a thing. I blame youth - I'm older and wiser now right? Right?

I can't be the only person out there who doesn't like to share? When I met my hubby and we worked out that he likes lollies and I like chocolate, well I knew he was a keeper. It's simple really, Heed this message and we will live together in harmony, I promise.


Excuse me while I wrestle the bloody dora handbag free. . .  again.

Wednesday, 17 October 2012

New shoes for my Little Miss

Little Miss got some new shoes today, these here ones... cute hey? My poor baby, she's 14 months old and these are pretty much her first new shoes. She's really only had hand me downs so far, being a poor deprived, third child and all. They set me back $69 - can you believe that shit?? I didn't even look at the price, I was expecting about $35-40 and I had all 3 kids with me so I wanted to get the shoes and get out. I pretty much choked when she said that will be $69, in fact I think I said, 'sorry how much?' as I handed over my card and punched in my pin. Far out! $70 on a toddlers shoes? I'm still not coping, hence the fact I'm now writing about it some 6 hours later.

I took all 3 kids with me to the shops this afternoon. Hubby told me I was brave. Meh, its my normality but I will admit to avoiding it wherever I can. Anyway! First stop was for donuts in an attempt to buy me some additional retail time. I had to go to the post office before we could buy shoes so I needed more time than normal. The shoes currently being sported by Little Miss are totally mangled and her toes are touching the ends so I suppose they're officially too small. They were Missy Moo's so I really shouldn't complain about having to buy Little Miss her own pair, but I am a bit of a tight arse. We went to Target first, as I attempted to be cheap but nothing was suitable for the zombie walk stage Little Miss is currently at so begrudgingly we headed off to the proper shoe shop. First though we had to go past the toy section to check for a Car that Monkey Man wants. Of course they didn't have the bloody Car so Toy Story and Dora were substituted, anything to avoid tantrums right? My two toddlers then sat quietly in the shoe shop while Little Miss was measured and fitted, happily playing with their overpriced plastic craptastic toys. Both asked me which shoes they were getting and when the answer was none, well there was almost a meltdown, x2. I threw out a few of my usual distraction techniques which seemed to be working as I paid the bill and tried to ignore the $70 bill. Tantrums were however brewing as back-in-the-pram-time drew closer, and I knew it was time to call it a day. I got the kids back in the car and we headed home, mission accomplished - shoes purchased.

I drove home baulking at the $70 charge for shoes so small. Who am I? Since when have I, would I ever EVER pay that much for toddler shoes? My shoes are about $20 more than that and even then, I still think thats steep. Maybe I should return them and find something on sale? I mean, $70?? Holy crapballs!

The bottom line is they actually cost me alot more than $70
Donuts and drinks: $9.80
Crap toys: $60
Shoes: $70

Total: almost $140. 

Jeezus! Note to self. Do NOT take 3 kids with me to buy one thing as I come home with 20 things and quite a few $$ poorer. Never again!

Thursday, 11 October 2012


The time you're convinced you jinxed your child. . . .

So at 5am this morning Monkey Man wet the bed. He's 3, he's been in undies overnight for a while now, after months of dry overnight nappies - we decided to break his attachment to nappies and move to big boy territory. He was rather attached to his 'blue poo (bear) nappy' and with 2 sisters in nappies still, I feel, he believes he's just like them so we had to do a bit of coaxing to get him to try undies overnight. Once he gave it a go, he never looked back and this mornings incident was the first one we've had yet. No big deal, change the bed, his PJs and try to get him back to sleep - which was an epic fail but again, no big deal he just had a 2.5 hour day sleep today as he was exhausted.

I however have been beating myself up all day as I was convinced I jinxed him. I went to dinner last night with the girls from my mothers group - we all have 3 year olds and the conversation, as it does, went to toilet training and where everyone was upto. I love my mothers group, its never a competitive 'my kid is better than yours' conversation, more like 'we did things this way, try it and see how you go', and never anything but supportive.... anyway! Turns out Monkey Man is one of the few not wearing a night nappy (which surprised me) and I will admit I felt a little proud, a little like I was doing a good job - don't ask me to explain that! I don't, at all, think anyone else is doing a bad job nor do I think we are better than anyone else. I just felt a little proud of my boy and that after a rocky start he managed to master the toilet training thing pretty easily and I have thought a few times how easy it all was. I've never stated this out loud because,  much like the whole 'don't speak of the sleeping child' principle, with two more kids to toilet train I would, for sure, be setting myself up for failure. I've heard such horror stories re toilet training so maybe I had psyched myself up for a bad time, and maybe because it wasn't, well I was shocked? I'm ever so grateful and hoping this mornings accident was just that, an accident and he continues to be a superstar.  And I'm very grateful I bought mattress protectors just in case.

Funnily enough it turns out hubby has been thinking he jinxed Monkey Man too. He was on the phone with a mate last night who has a little boy around the same age as ours. While they were chatting away, his little boy decided to poop on the floor. As you do. Chat turned to toilet training and hubby went on a bit of a 'puff your chest out with pride' rant about how easily Monkey Man got hold of toilet training once we really pushed him. I think its a man thing to brag like that, or perhaps just a parent thing? Either way, he went on a bit. And then Monkey Man wet the bed.

I blame the husband, he jinxed Monkey Man - it totally wasn't my fault. Now lets never speak of this again


Monday, 8 October 2012

day of the fcuktard!!

Today has been one of those days, where all the fcuktards in my local area came out to annoy me.... seriously.

It started with a playdate in the park with my little people. Right before my eyes a kid of about 2 years old shoved my Little Miss over... I was mad but thought ok, he's only small, let it go. Then he knocked Missy Moo over. What the hell? His mother not only stood by but watched and said nothing! I'm all for letting kids stand up for themselves and learning how to fight your own fights, but come on?? I waited, I shot her a look, nothing. I said to the little thug that we don't push others and maybe he should go and play on some other equipment. He toddled off after glaring at me, his mother glared at me but peace was restored... for all of 5 minutes before he was back. Again, unprompted, and with no apparent reason he shoved Missy Moo so hard she fell backwards and burst into tears. It took every inch of strength in me not to shove that kid into the middle of next week. I decided it was time for the mother to step up. I asked her if she could please stop her child from pushing and shoving, or at the very least speak to him. I also apologised for interrupting her gossip session with her friend but if she could please parent for a few minutes, just a few, then maybe the rest of the kids in the park might be able to enjoy themselves. She said nothing, just glared, and took her child over to some different equipment. She continued to glare at me, her kid continued to be a thug and before I knew it naptime was here so we left in a flurry of tanties - 'I'm not tired, I don't want to go home yet, I don't need a sleep etc etc etc'.

Naptime was a success (thankgod!) and against my better judgement I dragged all three kids to the post office. I should have known better, I mean really I should have, but off we went. The kids were going mental, I had parcels to send so between them, the nappy bags and the kids there was alot to carry. I then got attitude from the post office lady who tried to charge me $50 postage to send a parcel (I told her to forget it). . .  Monkey Man was trying to open boxes of toys - why oh whyyyyyy do they put everything at kid height in these places??? I dragged him out kicking and screaming and into Coles we went.

I had 3 restless kids, a nappy bag, and a bag full of parcels and I watched, distraught, as the last double toddler trolley was taken by a woman in front of me, with no kids. Fcuk, fcuk fcuk!!! Don't panic I told myself, keep calm. I called out to her and asked if we could possibly grab that trolley, I pleaded with my eyes... it went downhill from there.

Woman: No, I had it first.
Me: are you serious? you don't even have any kids with you?
Woman: That's not the point, I was here first. sips coffee
Me: I have 3 kids here and could really use that trolley, it's a few seconds of your day to swap trolleys, come on.... MONKEY MAN put that down!
Woman: not my problem. And she turned and walked off - WITH MY TROLLEY!!

OMFG! The rage I felt! I cannot begin to even put into words how angry I was. If I didn't have my kids with me, the expletives I was spouting would have been loud and clear rather than under my breath. I was SO angry! The kids clearly picked up on my mood as I then put up with non stop tanties throughout Coles. I saw the woman a few times, casually shopping (with MY trolley!), sipping her coffee, looking perfectly relaxed.... I purposely took my time whenever we were near each other and let the kids go mental. I hope she went home with a migraine to match her filthy attitude. I came home feeling so bloody frazzled and cursing myself for attempting to run errands with the kids with me.

Is it a full moon? When did people get so bloody rude? What is up with parents who let their kids run wild and turn a blind eye? What is with rude fcuking people that take the last kiddy trolley and then argue about it, or rather don't. Who would seriously do that? And who is in charge of shop layouts and why, please god tell me why they put kids stuff at kid height!! bastards.

Argh! Today was a day of fcuktards for sure!!!

Friday, 5 October 2012

playdates and pancakes

Yesterday I bundled my tribe into the car and we headed off for a playdate. A friend with two little men the same age as my Monkey Man and Missy Moo graciously offered to host us at their house, and even put the jumping castle up for us - talk about rolling out the red carpet of playdates! Holy crap! My kids were so excited about the jumping castle, which was lucky as I got to hear about it all the way there, in traffic. It was a rather hellishly long drive. Of course once we got there they were more interested in the inside toys and the poor jumping castle sat glistening in the sun, practically begging to be jumped on. Instead they chose to drag all the soft toys off beds, destroy the train table and tip all the toys out of storage units. Hell even the shower toys were dragged out. I spent the entire time telling, asking and telling them to pick that up, put that back, be gentle, stop throwing that all while catching Little Miss as she fell down the single back step over and over and OVER again. Surely once you fell down somewhere once you would learn, or at the very least be hesitant?? Nope, apparently not.

My friend made pancakes for all 5 kids for lunch. Legend! She tolerated the noise of 5 under 5 alot better than I did. I found myself saying 'inside voices' quite a few times which was rather fruitless given they couldn't even hear me over their own noise. She worked til 3am. I mean, seriously, what a legend! No way would I be hosting 5 hooligan, hyped up, over excited kids after such little sleep. Hosting a gathering of small people is full on enough with a decent nights sleep let alone when you're running on empty. And as for pancakes, I'm seriously lucky to have enough bread or fruit for all the kids when I host a gathering. and I certainly don't have a jumping castle. Yep, my friend is a mummy legend!!!

So, we came, we trashed, we ate them out of bread and fruit, we tantrummed, and then we left! All three monkeys were asleep in the car within minutes of hitting the road and I was tempted to drive far far away and let them sleep. If I hadn't needed petrol I would have done just that. Instead Monkey Man woke when we got home and refused to go back to sleep, meaning a very LONG afternoon for all of us. The girls slept, thankfully, as three cranky kids is enough to drive me to drink. For real. 

Maybe in my next life I can be a awesome hostess with the mostest?? Maybe this book will give me some much needed tips? Could you imagine it?

You bring the wine, I'll bring the cork screw? 
You bring the vodka, I'll bring the mixer? 
Kids? what kids? hic, oh they're fine


Thursday, 4 October 2012

My 13mth old is a tornado. . .

a whirlwind, and she tears through my house (or others) with no fear, no regret and there is absolutely no way of stopping her.

My son at this age was much the same. He rolled over, sat up, crawled, stood and walked earlier than other kids his age and was into EVERYTHING. I was pregnant during all of this which made it that extra bit trying, and then had a newborn so I think I've blocked out alot of Monkey Man at 13mths old. Missy Moo was a calmer, quieter baby but the jealousy she demonstrated when Little Miss came along was horrendous. Sadly, I either don't remember my older kids at 13mths because I've blocked it out or was busy with a newborn and I simply forget. Either way, I don't remember this stage .  . . and quite frankly it's hard bloody work.

The good stuff: she's walking, she's babbling, she's super independent and can hold her own in a toddler brawl with her siblings. She eats pretty much everything, loves books, is mastering steps and stairs, climbs with no hesitation and seems to get braver by the second. Seeing her stumble around the house saying 'mum mum mum mum mum' is pretty damn cute.

The bad stuff: she's still stumbling when walking so we have many tears over a crash, splat or a stumble, she's frustrated by her lack of communication so the screaming and squawking is of epic proportion, she can hold her own in a toddler fight and seems to have no fear - and usually initiates the brawl! Sharing is non existent so I now have three non-sharers. She would eat non stop if I let her - did I mention she's in a size two already? Giant baby! She loves books but hasn't mastered paper yet so we're frequently taping books up - sorry to our local library. She's worked out how to go UP stairs and steps but coming down is another story altogether, resulting in more crashes, splats and stumbles and of course accompanied tears and tanties. She climbs onto the lounge and beds with no hesitation but hasn't mastered getting down without even more bumps and crashes. She's covered in bruises and I swear they are self inflicted. And don't even get me started on the clingy phase we're in right now?!?!? whoa, intense much! It's ok, I've worked out how to not go to the loo ALL day as I just get screamed at when I leave the room, screamed've.murdered.her!!!

How did I deal with one of these and a screaming, hungry newborn too? Twice over. How??? What was I thinking? This too shall pass, this too shall pass is the only thing getting me though right now. . . its lucky she's so damn cute

and for what its worth, my other two were pretty damn cute at 13 mths also - thats obviously why I did it *love*