Tuesday, 21 August 2012

2 toddlers on the loose in a video store

I took my 3 yo and 2 yo to a video store on the weekend. It was seriously stressful.

I listened to them chant all day, and by all day I mean from 5.30am, that they wanted to watch Tinkerbell - which of course is one we don't have. It was a beautiful sunny day outside so why we had to watch a movie?? Don't ask me where the request came from, or why it was the request so unrelenting, but it was. After using this to my advantage ie 'if you don't eat your breakfast, if you don't get down off the bench, if you don't lie down and have a sleep etc etc there will be no Tinkerbell', I finally caved and off we went. Given we have pay TV we watch in the very little time we have to actually watch something, we have not hired from a video store in what feels like a million years. I wasn't sure they still existed and once we found one, I had to join. I was asked to come to the other side of the counter, which meant leaving my tots in the kids section, out of sight. I did tell the spotty 12 yo behind the counter that it would be in everyones best interest if I could stay on this side where I could see my kids. He insisted, saying 'they'll be fine'. For the record; I wasn't worried about them, more the state of his shop. Here is where is all went terribly wrong.

Within seconds Missy Moo had pulled every Dora DVD off the shelf. I could hear the cases banging to the floor, the clicking of the cases being pulled open and her asking 'where is disc?' over and over again while another equally spotty, equally young staff member looked on, looking rather concerned. I could see him mentally calculating how much of his minimum wage it would take to clean up the mess caused by one cute but cheeky 2yo girl. I'm sure he had just alphabetised that section. Monkey Man was over on the other side of the shop, hidden behind high stands of DVDs with his location only given away by his incessant yelling at me to 'look mummy!' in very excited, very loud tones - all while I am being asked 100 questions about my phone numbers, addresses, a PIN and if anyone else will be using my card.

'Look mummy, a monster!'
BANG (DVD falls to the floor)
'Look mummy, a dinosaur!'
CRASH (multiple DVDs fall to the floor)
'Look mummy, her got her boobies out!'

I swear, I wanted to die. I managed to herd him back to the kids section, and instructed him to help his sister pack away the Dora mess and stay there for just a few more minutes. He starts asking me over and over again 'where is Tinkerbell?', his sister joined in the chant and there is still a pile of bloody dora DVDs all over the floor. Spotty-attitudey-teenager-boss-child is getting shirty with me as he has other customers to serve and I now can't remember the PIN I just entered - I plead with him to make this quicker so I can help clean up the mess and get the hell out of there.

Monkey Man and Missy Moo then discover the chocolate stand - located conveniently at the kids section and just at their height. Fcukers! They both start asking for Freddos, I say no, so they ask again and again and again. I'm signing forms and turn around to see them both squishing chocolates in their hot little hands and Monkey Man is seconds away from pocketing one! Ummmm no way! I pretty much lose my cool at this stage, throw the chocolates back into the stand, shove the DVDs back on the shelf, search pockets for contraband, make a mental note never to buy my son pants with pockets again and to have a serious talk about stealing soon, grab our chosen DVDs including friggin Tinkerbell, throw money at the spotty pissed off staff and vow never ever to bring the kids to Blockbuster again. I'm pretty sure my membership was cancelled as soon as we left the store.

Monkey Man then nearly ran onto the road as he's not used to being free from a pram or a trolley, or because he's a toddler, or because he trying to escape from his mentally insane and frazzled mother. Whatever! I cracked open a drink once I got home and I enjoyed every sip which blurred the memory of our disastrous outing and thanked the heavens I didn't have our third monkey with me to add to the fun.



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