Monday, 3 September 2012

Fathers Day 2012

Fathers Day never meant much to me as a child. Divorce tends to do that to a kid. Mine was a crappy father and really doesn't deserve the title Dad. He's been no father to me, and sadly or should that be luckily has never met my kids so has not had a chance to ruin them. My mum did a stellar job raising two kids on her own and we always got her a little something on Fathers Day, just to say thanks. I'm sure she hated the soap gift packs and hand knitted tea towels but she knew they came with love and appreciation.

I've mentioned my Dad before but never really gone into it as I've felt he wasn't worth the effort. As I watch my husband with our children I really don't understand how my own Dad was the way he was, and really how he still is. How can any person be a parent and not be there for their kids? How can a drinking session or another torrid affair with some cheap slut be worth more than time with your children? How can you not want to be there for their first steps, their first days at school, their first dancing concert? How can you not want to know your children? Really, I'm not angry, I don't hate him and in many ways I pity him, but honestly what it comes down to is the fact that I don't understand him. I never will and quite frankly I never want to. Countless times he left my brother and I stood there waiting for him, waiting to spend a weekend with him, a trip to the zoo with him, that we were so excited about. There we would sit with our bags packed, dressed in our finest clothes, watching the clock and jumping up every time a car turned our corner only to be disappointed and sad, over and over again. There was never even a phone call to explain why he didn't show up, just disappointment and rejection and its unforgivable. Countless times Mum was left to wipe away our tears and tell us it would be ok, that he really did love us and something must have come up, there must be an explanation. Countless times I heard her yelling down the phone at him, when she thought I was asleep, yelling at him for being a scumbag bastard, how dare he let us down AGAIN, how dare he???? I hated the fighting, but I hated the disappointment more. I hated him for hurting us, mum, everyone. Why didn't he love us? How dare he?

He's got a new family now, this is his 4th marriage, his 4th or 5th (I've lost count) family? He's now in his 60's and his current partner is expecting their second child, his 6th. He is 60+. Seriously. He's an embarrassment to me, my siblings, his ex-wives and ex-friends, of which there is many. We have nothing to do with each other and I intend to keep it that way. As a wife I am disgusted by his cheating and deceptive ways. As a mother I am cut to the core by his treatment of his children and grandchildren - none of which he has ever bothered with. I will not subject my children to a grandparent who does nothing but hurt and disappoint them. I hope for the sake of his current family that he is different, that he has learnt from his mistakes but I highly doubt it.

In hindsight, in my own life I honestly think I sought out a man with polar opposite qualities and attributes to my Dad and whilst you can't predict the future you can judge a person by their actions. If you say you're going to do something, do it. If you say you're going to be somewhere, be there - on time when possible! It doesn't take much to quickly phone and say you're running late. And never ever ever just don't show up, ever! 

My children are blessed with a father who is always there, even when he's away for work he wants to know everything that's happened during the day, everything he's missed. He knows their favourite foods, he knows their favourite colours, he knows how one likes their sandwich cut vs the other, he knows that one likes pink milk in a purple cup and the other likes chocolate milk in a green cup, he always knows where the favourite toy has been hidden or left. He is better at early mornings than me, he gets up multiple times at night to deal with lost dummies, dropped water cups, too hot, too cold, snot on my nose, covers off, fan on, heater off, etc etc and he rarely complains about any of this. He remembers weights for medicine purposes and helicopter parents with the best of them, especially in parks, car parks, driveways and shopping centres. He adores the hand print arts and crafts they make him, preferring these to expensive gifts on any occasion. He's a fantastic Daddy and our kids totally worship him - Monkey Man and Missy Moo want to be like him and mimic him wearing hats and sunglasses. They wear his shoes and clomp around our bedroom and often trip over themselves running to the door squealing with excitement whenever he comes home. Little Miss shuffles and squeals when she sees him and her arms go straight up for a cuddle and to be picked up. What better sight and sound, albeit loud, to come home to?

I don't give my husband enough credit for being the fantastic father he is, and I should. Fathers Day is about saying thanks afterall. So thankyou dear husband for being everything a father should be, everything I wish I had when I was a child. Thankyou for being my partner and helping me raise our three monkeys. I look forward to seeing that special father/daughter relationship between you and our girls, the one I never had. I will cry buckets when you walk our daughters down the aisle. I look forward to seeing that father/son bond over rugby and beers, the one my brother should have shared with our father. Until then I will just beam with pride when our monkeys want Daddy cuddles, Daddy to read the bedtime story, Daddy kisses goodnight and Daddy to get up with them in the morning - sorry bout that one! hahaha

Happy Fathers Day 2012, we love you so much! xxoo


  1. Aw hun, this made me cry - give that lovely husband of yours a hug from us, he is awesome and so are you xxx


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