Friday, 15 June 2012

The last CFF

Today was my last CFF (child free Friday) and I'm a little sad about that. As of Monday I will join millions of other working mums and begin the daily battle of perfecting the work/life balance. I had grand plans for today, and of course none really came to fruition. I did get my legs and eyebrows waxed and a pedi, all of which were much needed, but it certainly wasnt relaxing.

I dropped the monkeys off at daycare and thankfully only Little Miss cried. She's still getting used to daycare and it's only been a month (once a week) so its all still very new for her. It's really lovely to see Missy Moo comfort her, patting her on the back and saying 'ok baby'. I hate seeing her cry and the worst is when she reaches out for me. Talk about Mum guilt. I know she's ok a few minutes after I'm gone which tells me she's ok, she's just not used to being without me. She didn't sleep much today so it will be interesting to see how she goes overnight.

I came home from there, put a load of washing on, paid a couple of bills and finalised my grocery list. I did have a fleeting thought of how relaxed I was, despite being busy and conscious of getting alot done in limited hours. I also thought how will I do the shopping next week? I frequently thank the dudes above for the invention that is online shopping. Awesome.

I then headed to the shops, I had to get a couple of presents and of course I bought stuff I didn't need. It's an illness I tell ya, like for real. I wondered around Target and checked out the toys. Toys are everywhere! The yearly toy sale starts next week and I like to be organised and get presents put away for xmas, both for my kids and other kids we buy gifts for. When I was pregnant with Monkey Man I heard stories of people queueing up at midnight to go to these toy sales, and women going in gangs with one running the gauntlet, loading the trolley while another got a place in the lay-by queue and honestly, I thought how bloody stupid can you be??!?!? Were these women for real?? Thankfully they have improved the system over the last couple of years and you can take a list to a store and set up a lay-by, or gasp, I believe this year they've gotten really really technical and you can set up a lay-by online? Without entering a store? Halleleujah! Its a modern day miracle! And thats what I'll be doing seeing as I'll be working the day the sale starts. Freaking typical seeing I've been home for a year! Freaking typical that I have bills coming out my waazoo so won't have as much for the sales as I would like. Anyway!

I then got waxed and prettied up toes. I realised too late that I didn't think it through before starting as I'd forgotten to take thongs and was wearing socks and boots - shit! I got my finger nails painted too so of course I then couldn't get said boots on without buggering the nails. I was doing the grocery shopping straight afterwards and tomorrow I begin the mammoth task of packing up my Mums house as she's decided to sell up and down grade. See? I clearly didn't think it through so technically I wasted a manicure AND a pedicure. Bugger... Sometimes my determination gets the better of me but I was bloody determined to do something for me today on CFF - just me.

Even though no one will see my legs, or my toes, its important they look good - for my self esteem, confidence and ego. I've been out of the workforce for a little while now and whilst I am confident I can do the job, it is a new role, a new company and I've been in a very different world for a while now. I returned to work before Little Miss was born but I was literally counting down the days til maternity leave, and with a 5 mth old and a 18mth old my heart and head were still very much in mummy land.
How could I finish this task and leave early to get my kids out of daycare and home with me?
Can I fit a trip to the supermarket in between conference calls?
Could I reschedule that meeting so I could attend mothers day morning tea at daycare?
Dammit, its 11am which means we're missing Peppa Pig.
Who cares if its end of month and there are sales to be counted, Jimmy Giggle is gonna be at my local shops and I wanna meet him *ahem* I mean my kids wanna meet him...
Thats where my head was at. No one minded, they blamed my lack of focus on being a mum and once the cat was out of the bag that I was pregnant (again) well there was more understanding. Don't get me wrong, I did my job but my heart wasn't in it.

To be starting again, to be joining the real world again well its a little daunting. It's a lot exciting though because I can go to the toilet alone. I can eat a meal without sharing, and eat it while its hot. I can have a phone call or ten without being interrupted by 'whos that mummy, where are they, they come to our house, mummy im talking to you'. . .  Yes its the little things making this change very appealing. It's a little overwhelming to think about logistics, eg traffic, drop off, pick up, sick days, just getting out of the house every morning!! I will miss my monkeys and I know they will be ok but I'm just gonna have to give this a go and see how it goes. Don't know til you try right?

My last CFF was nothing special but its been and done so now its time to focus on whats coming. Fingers crossed its this:

chances of that = slim to none??? really??



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