Sunday, 25 September 2011

sunday quickie

In my younger days, a quickie meant something very different to what it does now... so in the spirit of being upfront, hopefully you won't be disappointed but this isn't a blog about those quickies.... this will be a quick blog as it's after 11pm here and my eyes are hanging out of my head.

I just gave my Little Miss a dream feed, she snuggled into my neck afterwards and I loved it, I know she won't do it forever, nor will she be small forever... she's my last baby so I'm enjoying every aspect of her. She sleeps pretty much anywhere, even fell asleep in a coles trolley the other day whilst the toddlers bounced and screeched for donuts (yes I gave in, I'm THAT parent!). She's pretty relaxed, we haven't had one single hysterical fit from her yet and by this age her brother had done nothing but scream hysterically. She's self settling at every sleep, although this has sort of happened by accident and on purpose. Accidently because she's been going to sleep and I've have to deal with my other two so she's had no choice by to cry it out a little. On purpose because I can spot a tired sign at 20 paces and get her into bed well before then, in a definitive attempt to have her learn self settling early on. For everyones sake. My husband and I made mistakes the first time around, as all first time parents do but I believe we have learnt as we've gone along, plus we're alot more relaxed each time. The things you learn hey? I reckon I could have another couple of kids and they'd be changing their own butts by a few months - not that I'm having any more. No no no, my contribution to society is done, I think I've done my fair share of miscarriage, pregnancy, births and sleep deprivation. It's now upto friends and family to do their part and allow me to cluck over their scan photos, swollen bellies and squishy newborns. I'm also gonna laugh at their swollen cankles, sleep deprivation and discomfort but in the nicest possible 'I've been where you are' way.

We found out the other day that close friends are having a baby and of course its all very hush hush at the moment. From my perspective it's really lovely remembering that excitement and the whole unknown... I will hopefully remember every positive pregnancy test I ever did ... actually, no I won't because there was alot - I had to keep checking it was real!! I was a serial tester!! And I will never admit exactly how many tests I did as thats just embarrassing.

My Little Miss wore an outfit the other day that I bought when I was pregnant for the first time. I was due late winter and I shopped up a storm as soon as that second line appeared on the test, funnily enough I shopped for a girl because of course it was going to be a girl (women's intuition?? wishful thinking??). I also told anyone that spoke to me that I was pregnant, I shouted it from the rooftops I was so excited. Sadly that pregnancy wasn't to be but I kept the things I bought and 4 years later I have a little girl that fit into the outfit and looked super cute in it (yay!). I also learnt my lesson and kept a lid on my next pregnancies as un-telling everyone I'd told was harder for me than the loss. I had to keep reliving it over and over again. Funny how times change. I would never have guessed my journey to have children would be difficult, and I had it easy compared to what some go through. You don't know if you can have children til you try, nor do you know how much you love them until you lose one. And you don't know how much they will change your life for the better until they're here. I'm now going to go tuck them in and get some shut eye before Hubby's long day tomorrow and absence for half the week. Bloody work, sure it pays the bills but what about my mental stability? If you're looking for me I'll be in the corner, in the foetal position waiting to hear the garage door open so I can crack open a bottle of wine.


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