Friday, 18 May 2012

the holy grail

I'm on a journey right now, a journey to find what I need and who I am. I'm trying to lose weight, I'm trying to be a good mum, I'm trying to be a domestic goddess or similar, I'm trying to find me and who I am as a person - not just a mum. All day long I'm trying. I'm a mum to 3 under 3 but prior to that I worked, and I worked damn hard. The perfect balance of work and motherhood is a cliche I'm determined to find. Everything I do in life, I do hard, I give 150% and this search is no different. I've been applying for roles, going for interviews and kissing arse where needs be, all while wiping bottoms in the background. Does the perfect balance exist? Really exist?

When I was trying to have a baby I envisioned myself as a stay at home mum, with a perfectly well behaved and cute baby (its my fantasy ok!!)... I would lunch with friends, my child would be intelligent, swathed in cloth nappies and not use a dummy. I would successfully breastfeed and my baby would enjoy my home cooked food. My house would be spotless, dinner would be made for my hard working husband and I would be a domestic goddess that thrived at home. I did not predict I would have 3 babies in 3 years and that it would be a much harder gig than I ever imagined to be. As for the other fantasy thoughts, well they went flying out the window a couple of babies ago. Reality bit me. Big time. This stay at home mum business is bloody hard work and I take my hat off to anyone that can do it for extended periods of time. and stay sane.

Maybe the fault is mine, maybe I put too higher expectations on myself and need to cut myself some slack. Or maybe I just wasn't made to be a stay at home Mum. I have days where I really really wonder how I'm gonna get through. How early is too early to crack open some vodka? I have days where its all good, the kids are adorable and on the whole they seem to really love me so I must be doing something right. Right? Whatevs, it is what it is! So! I am hoping to be a working girl - no not that kind although I've heard the pay is good? I'm hoping to be a working Mum, part time employee, part time working mum although really once you become a Mum, there is nothing part time about it, ever.

So the search for the perfect job continues. I've been invited back for a second interview for a role I really like the sound of. The only thing that stands out as a negative with the role is that its a bit further than I want to go. I discovered tonight that a role I really wanted a few weeks back and was unsuccessful for, has been re-advertised. Interesting!! Fingers crossed the person chosen didn't work out and I can get my foot back in there. Close to home, a corporate environment and the money AND role I want. Cross your fingers for me as I want that job! I'll be sure to keep y'all posted on the saga that is job hunting, for a part time role, as a mum with 3 daycare dependent kids. *sigh* I'm SO employable right now!!??!

Until I manage to secure the right job, and daycare is sorted out (thats another post altogether) then I will be here, being a semi decent Mum just plodding along. I may or may not smell of vodka**, and I may or may not swear way too much but I'm here, all day, every day. I'm living in a zoo/chinese laundry with 3 crazy little monkeys who really have survived so far by pure chance. Poor little mites, totally born to the wrong mum who writes all about their tantrums and tiaras on her blog. They're stuck with me for a while yet. ^insert evil laugh HERE 

**note the vodka thing is totally a joke, for real. I wait til after they're in bed before I crack open the booze. promise.

 On a happy note, being a mum to 3 little people who regularly don't allow me to sit for more than 2.3 seconds at a time has granted me the waist line and ass size to fit into jeans I haven't fit into for 8 years. Lets ignore the fact that I still have a pair of jeans from the dark ages - I bought them in the states back before internet shopping was so big and I've kept them as my 'someday I will fit into those fcukers again' token piece of clothing. Seriously, its the simple things like fitting into non-stretch, proper jeans with a zip up waist and no elastic in sight that get me excited these days.



  1. Good luck with the job. The Universe always answers... When it's ready and everything happens for a reason. You'll do well! I can feel it xo


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