Monday, 28 May 2012

How real is online friendship?

I have 250+ friends on facebook right now, and alot of those are people I've met online - some I've never met in real life. My husband calls them my 'pretend friends'. Some of those online friends are people I'm very close to. We have in depth conversations about anything and everything, we've shared pregnancies, births, deaths and everything in between. Recently I've joined the blogger community and discovered a new chapter of online friends. I speak to them more often and am closer to many of these friends than I am to people in my every day life. Many of these online friends keep me sane on a daily basis when life at home with 3 under 3 can really get on top of me. It goes without saying that I have alot invested in my online friendships.

When someone de-friends you it hurts - if you notice that is? The click of that delete button can hurt deeply. Having a message ignored leaves you wondering why, what did you do wrong, when really the person could be busy or perhaps *gasp* not even online. Be it an email or private message, the written word can be and is interpreted in so many ways and can cause alot of trouble. When someone has a differing opinion to yours whats the best way to deal with it? Surely adults can have varied opinions on the same subject and still be friends, still get along? When shit goes down online, everyone has an opinion and has to offer their 2c worth and mostly their opinion is based on limited information:

Big dramas went down today in one of my online mothers groups. Words were spoken, accusations made and I'm now a friend down on facebook. I was a little peeved at the situation and outcome, felt fairly hard done by. Truth be told I'm pissed I was deleted without an explanation or right of reply. But then I stopped and looked at the bigger picture. Yes we shared a pregnancy and birth journey,  and we almost made it to the special first birthdays of our babies but we've never met and are never likely to meet. Will I think of this person in a couple of months time? a years time? Will I miss out by not having this person in my life? Ummm no. I do think its sad the way its all ended especially as it was oh so unnecessary and very childish, and others were involved so it all got very high school drama-ish but meh I'll move on.

A while back I had a pretty full on domestic with a family member and quickly found myself de-friended in facebook - um we're family? That won't change whether we're facebook friends or not, you wally!! While we were fighting and thus not FB friends they couldn't see pictures of my kids or what was happening in their lives and this hurt alot. Didn't they want to stay involved with the kids? And its all sorted now, so no need for an intervention hahaha...

So if a friendship is ended by clicking a button, was it real to begin with? These relationships take alot of our time and effort and yet they're potentially over so quickly. Are they worth the effort? For some people, the ones clicking the delete button, possibly not. It's your loss, trust me - I'm a good friend to have! For me, I've met some beautiful people through the online world and made some forever friendships so for me, yes indeedy they are worth the effort. I will continue to put as much effort as I always have into my online friendships and know that like real life friendships its a two way street, it takes compromise and sometimes, just sometimes a person is being sarcastic or genuine - how you interpret it is upto you. What you get out of your online, or real friendships for that matter, is upto you and how much you put into it. Maybe grow up and think twice before you hit the delete button or reply with a nasty message.



  1. I'm so glad that our babies were destined to be born in the same month. You have made my life that much richer with your humour, love and fabulous-ness. Glad you're my 'pretend friend'


    1. awww thankyou lovely. You are so much more than a pretend friend, I mean come on our hubbies have the same name! destiny!! loves ya xxx


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