Sunday, 8 April 2012

Hey Mr DJ

Friday was Good Friday, but more importantly it was a great day as a baby boy was born to dear friends of ours. Baby Daniel joined the world, two weeks early, a healthy 3.3kgs, 48cm long and in an instant (well, ok 15 hours - yeowch!), turned a couple into parents. Their life will never be the same, cliche but true. We visited the loved up, proud as punch parents today and met their proudest achievement, a bundle of joy with thick dark hair and a great set of lungs on him. Baby Daniel, or Mr DJ as he shall be referred to from here on is the newest baby I've been in close contact with since I had Little Miss 8 months ago. I was worried my ovaries would go into meltdown, I'd forget all the shitty parts of having 3 babies under 3 and stupidly want another. Thankfully I didn't. I was happy just to look at him, coo over him and show Little Miss and Monkey Man who thought he was 'coot'. There was only a slight ovary twitch from me but otherwise, I was very happy it wasn't us with a newborn. I didn't cuddle him as he was settled and I didn't want to disturb him (a cuddle will be the ultimate test for me) but I was happy it wasn't me. Don't get me wrong, I am so thrilled for our friends who were and are still so excited about having a baby, but knowing that our family is complete is such a wonderful feeling, and one I worried I'd never have. Never say never I know but I can comfortably say I don't want to have anymore babies.

I get a little teary thinking back to our first time, when Monkey Man joined the world and made us parents. Nothing prepares you, no books, no classes, no stories from friends, family or strangers and everyone tells you something, usually without you even asking. Monkey Man arrived by caesarian after he turned breech at 32 wks gestation in the most painful, gut wrenching, take-my-breath-away moment, and stayed that way. Argh that was a pain I will never forget. He then spent 8 weeks pushing his head up into my ribs, squashing my stomach so I couldn't eat and giving me heartburn from hell when I won the battle and managed to get some food into me. I was chewing heartburn tablets in my sleep but on the flipside I lost a few kgs. The joys! He arrived bum first, pooed all over me and was a little stunned as I don't think he saw it coming and was happily kicking away and swimming around in there. Poor little bugger, all 4.3kgs of him, was born in the morning and was pretty chilled all day. He 'woke up' at about 10pm and screamed the place down for hours on end. We went from thinking 'this is so easy and what the hell has everyone been going about?', to 'OMFG what have we done and what is wrong with this baby?' He was hungry, he was a big boy and my DD boobs weren't producing near enough of what he needed. I'd had a caeser so was on drips and attached to machines so my poor husband was left to ferry this screaming bundle from my room to the nursery for help and round and round the ward as the only time he just cried as opposed to screamed was when he was moving. I laid in bed and cried my eyes out. I felt useless, I felt guilty, I felt like a failure and for an organised control freak type A personality like mine, this was a huge huge thing to deal with. I wondered why we had wanted a baby so badly when I couldn't be a proper mother to him. Horrible thoughts hey. The midwives at the hospital were lovely on the whole but the couple that made me feel so guilty for starving him, I will never forget them. Don't pick on a new Mum, especially a first timer who is inevitably clueless. We went home where Monkey Man screamed for 6 weeks solid, unless he was sleeping upright and on me. I spent many lonely afternoons sitting in the furthest corner of my backyard crying into my arms and asking 'why me?' In hindsight he probably had reflux or something but I just figured he was clingy and needy and, well, just broken. I wanted a baby so badly and had been given a faulty model. So I suffered in silence and pushed on through it. I became a pro at doing household chores with a baby in arms or in a carrier strapped to my chest. I could chop up and eat any meal one handed and as for drinks, pfft I was all over those (non alcoholic of course).

One afternoon I had a moment of clarity and decided to put him on his tummy to sleep. The kid slept for hours, even with me standing over him every two minutes watching him breathe. Woohoo! We never looked back from there, he's now close to 3 and still sleeps on his tummy. I gave up breastfeeding a few weeks later as it was stressing both of us out, I could never express more than 20mls at a time, anytime day or night and he would feed and feed and still come off screaming. Once we cracked the feeding and sleep issues, we had a different child on our hands and it all got so much easier. I learnt my lessons the hard way, but really thats the only way you can learn. Missy Moo and Little Miss got the benefits of our war wounds and experience, we were more confident and knew to trust our instincts, plus they were easier babies. Coincidence? Luck?

Yep, I am definitely done with the newborn stage. The sleepless nights, the screaming, the guilt and worry that you're doing something wrong, the endless washing and clothes changes. I've done my fair share of all of that and am rather excited about having 3 toddlers rather than a baby in the house. The good outweighs the bad of course but when you're living it, its hard to believe that. All the firsts are exciting though, first smile, first teeth, first words, first steps and nothing beats hearing your child say mama or dada for the first time. It's all very exciting and emotional, and truly the best job in the world is that of a parent. I've been blessed 3 times over. Now I'm feeling lucky I get to witness it again and again through our friends, families and their children, vicariously of course! I wish Mummy and Daddy DJ all the luck in the world and will be here to help in anyway I can. There has to be some good karma when you're born on a day like Good Friday! Welcome to the world little man, can't wait to see your firsts and everything after...

Meet Mr DJ, isn't he gorgeous! Can't wait for a cuddle!



  1. Welcome little DJ, he's adorable.

    Wow, the words you've just written are so powerful. You took me right back to those early days when Max was a newborn. The absolute love, combined with the most terrible guilt imaginable when things didn't go 'perfectly'. Thank goodness we learn to relax as they get older :)


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